I (35M) and moving into my girlfriends (F32)'s house. She owns it outright- no mortguage. We are in a HCOL area.
She said I can live there for free, I want to do right by her and pay her what is fair.
She is financially set already because she owns her house, and she has about $3M in real estate assets already (family inheritance). I have a good career ($175K salary) and about $500k in stock equities. I can afford to pay her is the point, even if she doesnt need it. This is more about showing I'm a partner, and not trying to come out ahead as a result of her generosity.
I currently rent a large 1BR apartment (800 sq feet) for $2700 + parking and utilities ($300)= $3000 a month all together.
Her small house is 1400 sq feet. It is roughly about the same space per person, so I would be living with a similiar amount of space.
The going rate for rent for her house is $2800 per month. The utilities run about $200 for her, so I would say with me moving in, it would bump up a little . Call it $300 a month ($150 my half). Parking is free, because she does not use her parking space.
I was thinking to pay her $1400 rent+ $150 utilities = $1550 every month, though she assured me she doesnt want me to pay.
My thought process is that no matter where I lived, id be paying for it, so even paying $1550 to live with her is still 50% cheaper than living on my own in an apartment ($3000).
Even though she doesnt need the money, Id like for her to have it, becasue it is still a 50% discount for me vs living on my own. She can invest it
Is this fair/reasonable?
How much rent to pay girlfriend for moving into her house?
byu/TJHawk206 inpersonalfinance
Posted by TJHawk206
37 Comments
This sounds great. You get a discount on your rent, she gets extra income plus there is no weird dynamic from you living “free” in her house.
Open up a portfolio and invest for both of you instead of paying rent to her.
If she doesn’t want you to pay, then don’t pay. Put the money in a high-yield savings account and then spend it on vacations for her or jewelry that she says she wants.
>though she assured me she doesnt want me to pay.
Is there an income disparity? If so, is she the higher earner?
>so I insist on paying her what it would cost me if we were renting it like roommates.
That’s a reasonable calculation, but since she owns it outright I think that changes things a *bit*. If $16.8k is >50% of the ongoing housing costs she may feel like she’s profiting off of you.
Also, do you know the circumstances of how she came to have a paid-off home at 32? If she has a huge trust fund or something similar she may *really* not want to feel like she’s profiting off of you.
Save up for her ring if she’s THAT girl!
This is reasonable.
If I were in your position, I’d at minimum aim to pay the lower of:
Half of property taxes + insurance, plus a bit extra to have a fixed contribution to maintenance, plus half of utilities.
OR
The $1550 you’d suggested.
If she’s already said she doesn’t want rent, paying her anyway kind of undermines that and turns your relationship into a landlord/tenant setup. Instead, respect her wishes and contribute in other meaningful ways pick up groceries, cover utilities, take care of dinners, trips, or home projects. That way you’re still easing the load but without putting a price tag on living with her. Long term, it’s way healthier to build together than to treat her like a landlord.
Have a discussion with her and do something that makes you both feel comfortable, that’s my advice.
If she doesn’t want to receive any rent, offer to pay the utilities. Then put the intended rent into a separate account for a rainy day.
OP is aiming for a promotion to husband. I’m not sure why more people don’t think like them. I always say that there are ways for both parties to mutually benefit. It’s not always about numbers. It’s about being fair.
I would spend the money you would spend on rent to treat her like a princess. She doesn’t want to profit off of you but you should still treat her to vacations and dinners or whatever gifts and what not. Also I would help with the maintenance of the house even though that’s not a tenant’s responsibility.
Personally I wouldn’t want my bf treating me like a landlord either. If she told you not to pay rent you should respect that imo. But you should treat her and get her very nice gifts. She doesn’t need a tenant that pays below market rate, she wants a boyfriend that treats her well. She is wealthy enough where $1500 a month is absolutely nothing and the contribution is going to go unnoticed and not making a dent in the net worth.
My brother does… he also paid for half of the shower remodel
Seems reasonable, but I would think of this a different way. If you truly believe she doesn’t really care about you paying rent, then do or pay for something else she would appreciate. Hire a regular cleaner for the house? Book her a monthly massage? Take the lead on cooking and planning dinners? I don’t know what she likes, but she says she doesn’t care about her. Believe her and get her something that’s in her love language.
Edit: also pay all the utilities.
If she’s insistent on you not paying rent, I’d insist on paying all utilities, groceries, and unless you want to do all the cleaning, pay for a housekeeper to come regularly.
Good plan on your part, though I think you could come down just a bit on the rent – maybe $1k-1200 would be fair, but she makes all the choices about modifications and whatnot. But she also has to pay for all the fixing.
$1500ish feels “fair” but I think I’d just offer to pay all utilities and no rent. She already said she didn’t want your money.
she said she didn’t want you to pay so don’t. but you can reciprocate in a different way. pick up the dinner bill more often, pay for the utilities, or even pick up an extra chore or something. I don’t think this is a finance thing. talk to your partner about how you can contribute more if you feel like things are unequal
equivalent room rent (or labor equivalent)
>This is more about showing I’m a partner
This is a financial sub, but you are missing her point if you insist that money is the way you can show this to her.
We love to trash talk Dave Ramsey, but he said once on a show that “This is not a joint venture” in response to a couple’s finances—this is precisely your girlfriend’s point. When you are both pretty well off financially, it really makes no difference if you pay her $1500 a month for rent, then come back later that month to ask her to split groceries, utilities, and other expenses.
So pick up the tab at dinner, pay for groceries, take her to the airport — and don’t ask for anything in return since she’s taking care of your housing.
How about taking care of groceries and utilities. That way it doesn’t look like you’re paying rent, which she seems to not want anyway, but you’re saving her money by reducing her expenses.
If she has been insistent not to pay rent then don’t force it on her but as others have suggested offer money in another manner. Cover utilities, groceries, a regular house cleaner, put it towards a vacation. Let that money benefit her without her feel awkward collecting a check.
I’d split utilities and be generous with treats/dinners etc and call it good.
I think it’s fair. If she’s super insistent that you don’t need to pay, then I’d open a joint account where you deposit the money and use it for house expenses like repairs, landscaping, housekeeper, etc. also give her the debit card.
I think there’s nothing wrong with you paying your fair share. I’d do the same. You two may decide to purchase a 3rd property together and keep your respective properties in your own names.
If she truly doesn’t want the rent/utilities contribution, put that money in a HYSA every month and use it for when the house needs renovations or things replaced/fixed. And do like everyone else recommended and help out in other ways. Maybe she likes “acts of service” instead of gifts/money? Use your thoughtfulness to show your appreciation in other ways.
Pay her ZERO is the best personal finance.
Create a join account and dump the money in there. It’s there one day for when you guys want to splurge on a trip, buy a place together or a wedding.
Tell her if she has a thing against it. To put it towards an “upgrades to the house account”
She truly thinks you don’t need to pay rent, then you should be putting the equivalent of rent in a savings account. Then you can move out without drama if it comes to that, and you will have savings to bring into a marriage if your partnership becomes permanent.
Figure out property tax, and you should pay half of that. Because property tax is what pays for the community you live in, and you live there. Figure out utilities and pay half of that. Maybe pay half of yardwork because you benefit from looking at and using the yard
Half of property tax and half the bills
Im facing the same question. My thinking:
You might pay that much to live anywhere else *in your own place* that you have full control over. I say it should be somewhere between “shared room” and half of your previous rent that you paid to have your own entire place to yourself.
I say, pick a number in that range, and then put the difference up to $1400 into an “us fund” for date night money every month.
If she insists on you not paying, listen to her, because you not LISTENING is gonna piss her off more than anything.
I know that as a man it kinda feels weird to move into your girl’s place and you’re probably trying to compensate by paying her rent. Personally, as a man, I wouldn’t wanna move into my girl’s place, I’d rather her move into mine with me or us find a new place together but if this is set in stone, just do whatever you can to lean into that provider role you may be seeking. Ask her if you can pay the home utilities, buy the groceries, pay for any maintenance or repairs. Stuff like that, just give her that covering, she will notice that you can show up for her in those ways. You can even ask her how she would like you to show for her and just do whatever she asks if it’s within reason. The point is to get out of your own head as much and just listen to what your partner is telling you.
Why don’t you pay for all utilities, taxes, and groceries.
It’s good you’re planning on doing this.
So many posts on here where people don’t and it leads to trouble.
If she insisted on not getting paid for rent, I’d just be the one to pay for everything when going out.
Don’t take the easy way out. Pay the $1,550/month. Regardless of whether it is given to her monthly or deposited into a savings account, investment account, or used to pay for property taxes, home insurance, or her emergency fund, etc., it needs to be for her use.
Additionally, make a list of all household chores and the time it takes to complete them, and divide the tasks by the time required for each. Make sure it’s fair. Please don’t split by task title. Divide by the time needed to complete each task. Include seasonal tasks as well—anything and everything it takes to keep a home running smoothly. (E.g., she takes cooking and cleaning. You take throwing out the trash and taking the cars to have an oil change.) This is an unfair and inequitable division of chores.
If you only pay the $1,550 but leave her with all the chores, you should not move in with her. That’s exploitation.
The biggest thing I’d recommend is that even if she doesn’t want to accept money to maybe focus on making sure you’re pulling your portion of cleaning and housekeeping. You could even suggest maybe paying for a housekeeper if that’s something she will get in mind in her house. Stuff like that can really lessen any of the tensions that can come from sharing a space with someone for the first time.
I flat out like how you think! She can put it in a special account if she wants but I think paying for rent shakes any doubts for her. So worth it. Do it!
First of all you need to reframe it: she is uncomfortable with the idea of you just giving her money every month as “rent” so instead you are “contributing to the household”.
You need to make a joint account with both your names on it. This is where you are going to deposit that money. You are going to tell her that you are putting aside this money for anything the house and household needs. You can suggest that she pays for taxes from there, you can auto pay utilizes from there. Also landscapers, plumbers, a new tv, a new mattress, an electrician to put in central air, boiler maintenance, etc. And a lawyer to draw up a prenup too.
Houses have a lot of expenses.
You really should get one of those house keepers that comes every two weeks as “an investment in your relationship”.
Signed- a girl in a very similar situation (and if my boyfriend had done this when he moved in three years ago we would probably be married by now.)