I hear a lot about parenting being a difficult, relentless experience. While I'm aware of the inherent challenges that come with raising a human being, my theory is that parenting can feel relentless to many because of the combined work and family demands. It makes me wonder if one were financially independent and work optional, does it make raising kids feel less like a grind and instead a largely sustainable and positive experience? For example, when I am working a full time job, I often don't have enough time or emotional bandwidth to fully listen to a friend. But when I have more time off, I have more physical, emotional, and mental bandwidth to help those around me and learn with them.
To those who are financially independent, what does your day to day look like? With the kids going to school and having their own schedules, do you still feel a sense of flexibility in life? This is assuming no major hurdles like disabilities.
What are your experiences raising kids as financially independent parents?
byu/New-Invite-9692 infinancialindependence
Posted by New-Invite-9692
8 Comments
I basically came to the comment section to know if someone shared an experience. Well, I’m also curious. I really wanna know what it feels like to raise kids while financially independent. Feel free to share your experience as well so we can all know the real experience
Commenting bc I’m also interested to hear people’s experience. It’s a big part of the discussions my partner and I are having right now.
I don’t have personal experience to draw from, but some close friends had a baby about 4 months ago and between FMLA/mat leave/pat leave/PTO, they’ve been able to have one or both parents be at home throughout (very Nordic of them!). They don’t fit the stereotypes of new parents at all. They seemed rested and in love and happy rather than stressed and exhausted. We’ll see how they feel once they’re both back at work full time, but anecdotally your theory fits what I’ve seen in my circle.
We structured our lives so that our child never had to be in a daycare situation. I took off three years after she was born and then my husband had her in his class at preschool until first grade at which point they were on the same schedule. We never had any financial difficulties. I worked a job close to home until she was older and then had the flexibility to take off to attend any school events or take her to the doctor or be home with her when she was sick.
It was still a grind.
We are still working while raising our spawn, but know of a couple other families who are FI. One does a lot of volunteering for their school, takes kids on field trips, joins during the week, etc… the other is very unhappy in their marriage and that over rides anything they could be doing.
You can coach sports teams much easier since you aren’t stuck 9-5. Play dates are easier. There’s a ton of reasons it would be beneficial to be FI during kids school years.
Given the number of early releases, holidays, parent teacher conf, in service days, winter break, summer break, etc. it would be way easier if neither of us had to work. Don’t need to worry about after care, summer camps, or any of it.
I work from home, have flexibility to control my own schedule, and my wife is a STAHM.
It’s still a grind. The things that make being a parent a grind the first 3 or so years are a bear regardless. Then each stage presents different challenges, but if you expect an easy go of it, you’re going to be sorely disappointed unless you have a ton of family help and/or are willing to pay for a nanny.
It makes it much easier. FI or not it’s ideal to have a parent at home if feasible. I stopped working 4 years ago when my kid was 4 and it’s been great. While he’s at school I walk the dogs, work out, go to jiu jitsu, get groceries, and ideally do some reading but more often dick around online for an hour or two. Then am home when he gets home, get his snack make sure hw gets done then either spend some time outside or take him to his sports/activities which seem earlier now than when I was a kid (practices often at like 5), then dinner. No reliance on aftercare. No problem w/ doctors appointments or anything like that. No babysitters taking him to sports/activities. During summer, if there’s a camp he wants to do he can but we don’t need to rely on summer camp as daycare.
Wife stayed home with our kids until they went to school then picked up a part time job to feel like she wasn’t just a home maker… the extra money isn’t super meaningful but doesn’t hurt.
I still work a 8-5pm job and pay is really good, likely not replaceable without moving which we don’t want to do. It’s absolutely a first world problem but there is a bit of being ‘stuck’ but admittedly with the freedom of knowing if i ever run into a bad stretch of frustration i can quit and we likely are fine with never drawing another paycheck.
As such, i prioritize kids extra curriculars, refuse meaningless travel or job assignments, etc.
My wife and I are financially independent parents of a 9-year-old. I still work full time remote, as does my wife, who came into the marriage FI. I plan to “retire” next year into a number of experiments while she continues working.
Being FI does make some things easier, like making time for activities and just being lower stress around family. Some of my colleagues with kids living in HCOL are really going through it right now and I feel for them. Raising kids is hard enough, and the pressure of potentially losing your high income job multiplies that stress.
More directly, we get an opportunity to teach him about finance and frugality. In the past has told us he’s worried about one of us quitting or being fired. We told him the JL Collin’s line about our money working for us, and explained why it’s empowering for someone and we hoped he would do the same when he has a job.
I do worry he won’t see me “swinging the hammer” in my old job when I leave work and the impact that will have. Instead watching me bouncing from one activity to another and assume that is just as lucrative. But I suppose it’s better than me being stressed and unavailable all of the time.