I used to be super impulsive with money, Uber Eats every weekend, random Amazon stuff, new clothes just because they were on sale. Then I went through a rough patch and had to cut everything.
Fast forward 6 months later, and now I have this weird guilt anytime I do spend. Like I stare at a $4 latte for 10 minutes before walking away.
Is this what being frugal does to you?? Anyone else hit that point where spending just feels… wrong? Is this a phase or permanent character development?
I think I accidentally became a frugal person and now I feel weird spending money
byu/Frankie_quean inFrugal
Posted by Frankie_quean
29 Comments
I’ve been frugal for as long as I can remember, so I can’t really relate to the change. I will say that I congratulate you on learning to live below your means. However, it is important to still enjoy life.
If you can make a pretty decent coffee at home, do that and skip the $4 latte. If that latte is light years ahead of anything you’re capable of making, go ahead and treat yourself. As long as you aren’t treating yourself to every impulse you can still live a frugal life while enjoying spending money.
I feel the same. Finances were bad for over two years. I became very frugal about everything. Even thought about spending a few nights at work to save on gas money. I now have enough saved to last me six months. My budget allows for eating out once a week, but I still don’t do it. I think about the cost and just don’t want to spend it.
Well, I used to live like a king in my 3rd world home country. Then with a dream of better future I immigrated to Canada, now I count every penny.
Convenience you pay for is often because you do not yet know how easy and simple it can be to do yourself. Not always. But going through that period of forced frugality forces you to learn how easy and simple a lot of life’s chores can be. It’s hard to forget that once you have money again.
I’ve been inherently frugal always, sometimes out of necessity more than anything. Now that I have more financial stability, I look at it this way: I am frugal where I am to justify where I am not. It’s a lot easier to splurge on one nice dress when I know that every other piece of clothing I’ve bought for years is second hand. It’s pretty easy for me to buy something that’s more expensive if I know it is higher quality and is ultimately cheaper (and less time consuming and frustrating) than having to buy multiple copies of something cheap. Frankly, most of the ways I am not frugal per se are actually cost effective in the long run.
I have no issue spending reasonable money on events and outings with my family and friends. This is more valuable to me than anything I could buy. I’ll happily cut corners somewhere else to balance the books to be able to take my kids on a road trip. I’m teaching them to be mindful about how they spend and consume, without turning things like having a nice meal out once in a while into something that stresses them out.
Don’t let it consume you.
i grew up poor, got money and spending goals. then had enough to mess around.
i learned that the extra stuff doesnt make you happy, and not having that extra money for things you do enjpy makes you pretty darn sad.
I do think this is permanent character development, a lot of people I know, even ones who don’t consider themselves frugal talk about wasting so much money when we were younger.
I think this is a really positive thing because you also learn what you place value on and at what price. Also could be circumstantial, you might think it’s too much now but one day when you are exhausted and the next coffee is too far away, you will enjoy that $4 latte like never before. One example is a great one the other commenter mentioned. Even now when I’m not needing to cut back as much as I had to before, I don’t place much value on things I can easily make myself at the same quality ie a simple bolognese with nothing particularly special, an extra side of chips/salad/veggies, a basic sandwich/wrap or coffee. I would spend my money on something I can’t easily replicate that I love.
This happens to me a lot because of the “hustle” mentality I pushed my sell into. Now I feel guilty doing things for my self. I’m trying to find a balance now. Try and be practical about things.
A lot of our spending comes from routine or habit, and you were forced to break habits.
Whether you keep the new habits is up to you. But it’s entirely possible that your rough patch forced you to think about what you value and by how much. Is a $4 latte worth it? It depends.
I have no desire to spend money. I flat out enjoy making my own food, so going out just feels like a freaking waste of time and I can make better food at home. Coffee and tea at home, in my favorite cup where my music is playing and no one asking me stupid questions.
I want to send my kid to university with a stipend and no college loans.
I want hubby to be able to walk away from his job the day my kid graduates university.
I have way bigger goals than to spend money on thing or mediocre food.
Welcome to the scarcity mindset, friend!
I think you are on a good path which still just feels a little unfamiliar. My spouse used to be spendy. At first there was guilt because we didn’t have much money or things and the spending was inappropriate for our income level and actual needs while contrasting starkly with my frugality. Later guilt changed to thoughfulness. Learning to pause to think before swiping a card to get was the biggest boost to switch to a savings mindset. We were able to afford a bed and get some basic furniture, buy better quality food, etc. Appreciation followed as comfort grew and we could afford to see a doctor or get new tires or take care of unexpected needs without panic. Now having solid savings and security while still affording niceties brings a sense of peace to both of us. My guess is that your path will lead to a healthy relationship with finances and your future spending or not spending choices will bring you confidence instead of guilt.
I stopped feeling bad after tracking those “impulsive” expenses tbh. When you see how much they add up, it feels better saving for something else. I think it’s nice to alternate though : allocate a cheat day for yourself every week, where you can go to the restaurant, or buy that latte, or whatever brings you joy. I think it’s good to strike a balance while living below your means to enjoy a “safer” and stable life later on. And yeah, it certainly is a development of the personality : getting into “planning ahead” versus staying into a “do it now, think later” mindset.
I somehow made it to 60 without the ability to save money or curb my impulsiveness. A dear friend chewed my *ss about my spending. She would say “less is more” quite often to get me into a new state of mind. I now have savings and waaay fewer things than if I hadn’t changed my ways.
Both. I go through phases, where I’m gungho about something, then it wears off after some weeks, months, years.
Sounds like maturity. Congratulations
I grew up in a comfortable financial situation, even was grateful to have help with living expenses in undergrad and grad school.
Somehow, I became an extremely frugal person that’s borderline cheap. I think it came from fear of a worst case scenario – flunking out and owing loans with a low paying job when I was in school, and now it’s losing a job/career and not having money to pay for things.
I was raised being told we are poor constantly by my dad. There was always a trained fear around money, people with money, etc.
fast forward/ married, house in suburbs, kids.
Us all living on my husband’s full time salary and my part time salary we were always frugal. Shopped at Ross and TJ Maxx – cuz honestly I can’t see paying the prices they even charge at target, let alone “luxury” in my book luxury is for chumps and suckers – especially now we have found out luxury items are produced in the same factories as regular priced items. I’ve just always been frugal.
Fast forward again, kids grown, not really feeling all the ppl moving to Austin and just feeling like simpler life is for me.
I’ve also worked closely with the homeless working in recovery and I’ve learned so much from working with them- I look around and I’m like- I feel like they have it way more correct than everyone else- the communities self police, they take care of each other and they don’t need a lot. I’ve seen this community not quite from the inside, but peripherally and I’m always impressed.
So fast forward again- I’m working in fentanyl crisis on a grant in a rural area- so I purchased a used trailer to live in in the country- so I could live how my people in the area I serve live- and guess what- I love it. It’s frugal, I live in nature and it’s good. Still have the suburban house and husband- but he understands my need to be out here- even after the grant I was working on got stripped at the federal level 2 out of 5 years in.
Frugal living is for me. Growing a garden is for me. Being around way fewer people- Simpler living, not going into “town” unless I have to, saving money the whole time. I always think: Starbucks or land?
New outfit, or land?
It’s not even a question any more. I want to leave generational wealth to my kids. So the answer is always land. And living frugally. 😊😊😊
lol. I was gifted a $25 Starbucks gift card last year for white elephant at work. Still have $9.76 on it. I only like to use it when me and husband are on a trip and then often he still says ‘or do you want to go get the $1 McDonald one’ lol. And it was gifted to me…
We like to cook at home too. And if we go out for dinner maybe 3x a year we are always disappointed in what you pay for what you get.
The guilt goes away when you buy that latte and have a hard time drinking it because it doesn’t taste nearly as good as quality coffee brewed at home.
The trick is learning to balance things you really want within your budget.
You passed up the $4 latte, but get yourself some nice ground coffee and spend the $10-$12 for the flavor you like best.
At that price you get a couple cups of good coffee a day for a week or two, where the lattes you would get 3 total. As you adjust to things like this you won’t feel like you are denying yourself anything, and still being budget conscious. The guilt then just doesn’t exist because you win all around.
It does become a habit. A mindset and a way of life, but the negative connotations fall away and it starts to feel liberating. Need vs want, short term vs long term. What is a priority and what is not.
It’s a function of your sense of financial security.
Same here. I went through years of unemployment and survived by consuming almist nothing. Now i can’t let it go.
I don’t think you should feel like spending ANY money is wrong. Rather the goal is to save where you can (or don’t care as much about) for the things you really DO want (like a trip or a new car).
So yeah, save that $4 daily latte and drink a plain black coffee free at the office. It achieves the same effect. Put that $20 a week in a savings account for something you care more about, like sipping your latte at a cafe in Paris (or whatever your thing is). But likewise, if you have been saving. It’s ok to give yourself a small inexpensive treat occasionally too-so maybe that means one latte per week but not daily.
Honestly it really depends on the person. For me, most of my spending goes straight to food. I don’t mind paying a bit more to treat myself there, because I save a lot in other areas like clothes, gadgets, furniture, all the big-ticket stuff. I always think twice before buying anything expensive.
To put it into perspective: I only buy clothes maybe once every 1 to 2 years and even then it’s like 2 or 3 pieces max. Most of my furniture is literally 20+ years old and still doing fine, so I don’t replace anything unless I absolutely have to. The only thing I changed recently was my office chair because after 10 years the cushion was so worn I could feel the metal frame digging into my back.
So yeah, everyone’s different. I’m not frugal across the board as some things are my form of self-care. And honestly, when old things break down after lasting so long, it makes me a bit sad. So treating myself here and there balances it out for me.
I pay attention but I try to place a few things I value in the budget as enjoyment. I work hard I can’t not do anything that brings me joy. Less takeout but More friends and games with snacks and drinks at home! I am also someone who thinks community and having fun is super important for my mental health / I can’t just do nothing all the time. But just to be mindful and intentional!
Also I don’t have kids which is in part a frugal decision, so more money for other things! Friends, pets, community, volunteering, donating.
I think this is likely based in the anxiety and fear of going through another rough patch. You’re judging yourself for every expense, but you don’t have to agonize over it that much. Being frugal is a lifestyle, it’s about making choices, so that you can allow yourself some leeway as well. You’re worried that if you don’t feel guilty about buying a $4 latte, you’ll allow yourself a bigger, more unreasonable purchase and that you’ll fall off the wagon. Just be consistent. You’ll be alright!
Where do you get a $4 latte?
Idk.. maybe you just learned something?