I’m trying to be responsible with money, but I keep running into the same internal conflict and could really use some perspective.
On one hand, I want to do “everything right”: save consistently, avoid dumb mistakes, and not set myself up for stress later. On the other hand, I’m young, don’t have a lot of money to begin with, and sometimes it feels like every dollar I spend gets judged by my own brain as “irresponsible,” even when it’s something small that genuinely makes life better.
Right now my situation is pretty simple:
- I have a small but steady income
- No debt
- Basic expenses covered
- Some savings started, but nothing huge
What I’m struggling with isn’t math — it’s mindset. I don’t want to be careless, but I also don’t want to build a relationship with money that’s based on guilt or fear. I’ve read a lot of advice that basically boils down to “save more” or “cut everything unnecessary,” and while that’s logical, it doesn’t always feel realistic or healthy long-term.
I’m not asking for anyone’s personal stories or exact numbers. What I am hoping for is guidance on how to think about this better:
How do you decide what’s “worth it” to spend on?
Is there a reasonable framework for balancing saving with enjoying the present?
How do you avoid constantly second-guessing every small purchase?
I want to build good habits early, but I also want money to be a tool, not a constant source of anxiety. Any thoughtful advice on approaching this mentally (and practically) would really help.
Feeling stuck between “saving for the future” and actually living now, how do I find a healthy balance?
byu/Accurate_Style4793 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Accurate_Style4793
17 Comments
I’d say budgeting is probably the best way. I struggle with this quite a bit but I think knowing that everything that needs to be paid for or money that needs to be saved is all taken care of probably will ease anxiety about using any fun money you might have left over
i feel this so deeply. 25 can feel like this weird limbo where you feel like you should be grinding, but you’re also realizing that your youth is a depreciating asset and you don’t want to put all your dollars to your 65 year old self.
there’s a massive difference between mindless spending and investing in your future self. going to that dinner or traveling with friends is an experience that you will cherish for your life. are we saying go to a $100 every single week? no but when you’re young, these are memories you’ll look back on with a lot of happiness. for me, i automate the money going to my investment and savings account, chose 3 things im willing to spend more freely on based on my values and priorities and then everything else, and then everything else, i make sure to be mindful.
have you tried a guilt-free joy bucket? like allocating a specific amount that is meant to be wasted on things that make you feel alive.
You follow the guidelines in the prime directive. Are you bills paid, do you have your emergency fund, savings set for large planned purchases, retirement in a recommended range, etc.
Everything after that you can save or spend as you want to.
So OP, based on the prime directive, where are you? What steps have you completed?
>What I’m struggling with isn’t math — it’s mindset.
I think is actually a math question and not a mindset question. If you make a certain threshold and you’re saving enough, then you can splurge.
If you don’t make enough, then you need to make more income. You can’t enjoy life if you have nothing to spend.
Typically, set milestones, once you meet financial milestones, treat yourself with something reasonable, rinse and repeat. Making more money makes a lot of the questions go away though.
I tend to fall on the frugal side. Something that helped me not question every decision was to make a plan regularly, maybe once a month. Decide exactly what you will spend and what you will save, and stick to it. When it comes time to spend, don’t even think about it – you already made the decision to spend that money, and you have other money earmarked to work towards your financial goals. Then at the end of the month, evaluate how that felt. Did your budget feel too tight or too loose?
The fact that you are worried about this puts you ahead of 90% of people. There is no perfect “right” way to do money – the key is to build a system where you can trust your own judgement and figure out the right balance over time.
You have to start by being realistic. A small income really limits what’s possible. A small purchase occasionally is fine, but it needs to be occasional. Enjoying life is fine, but you need to find ways to enjoy life that don’t cost money or are cheap, such as free community concerts and movie nights. Sure, it won’t be name brand acts or first run movies, but a small income means giving those things up.
If you want expensive things or experiences, you need to up your income.
I split my Net Income 25 x 4:
25% – Housing
25% – Other needs
25% – Retirement
25% – Wants
I’m a big fan of this thinking because it’s basically paying your future self with the same amount as you are paying your current self. That can motivate you as far as living for the present as well as your future. You’re not valuing one over the other.
It also enforces strict limits on not overspending on “needs”. Needs can get way out of hand if you spend more than 50% Net income on them. Finding ways to reduce expenses is crucial to living a life that you can sustainably afford in the long run.
Since you don’t have debt, you can focus on goals: I want to buy a home in X years; retire at age Y; save Z amount every month for an annual vacation. As long as you’re covering your monthly expenses without accumulating debt, saving monthly (including for retirement), and contributing toward your goals, the rest is discretionary
As others have stated the math part makes the mental part better but I will add if you can find some enjoyment with your job or something simple it will feel like living now, if that makes sense.
(If you wake up and enjoy your job you will feel overall better and won’t have a feeling to live now, cause your fairly happy now, this is uncommon though)
Figure out how to “live” cheaply. If you think spending a lot of money is necessary for a good life you’ve been hornswoggled. Go camping instead of taking a trip requiring fancy hotels. Have potluck dinners or cook for your friends. Play cards and board games. Hike, go to museums on their free day, have a picnic. It’s a mindset.
You are off to a good start with no debt. Trust me, there will come a moment in your life when you will be very glad you saved money. Pay yourself first (put money in savings at the beginning of the pay period) and then spend with deliberation and control. If you have done the saving, you don’t have to feel anxious.
I have a budget. I specifically budget for both the future and the present. I allocate funds to IRA and car repairs and medical out of pocket max and the kitchen remodel I want to do. Knowing that I am set on those items also means that if there are funds allocated to Clothing & Accessories, it’s totally okay to actually spend that money on some new boots because I know that everything else is taken care of.
Now, the budget does not magically create money. There is a chance that I will be taking a pay cut in the new year (I mean, technically not a cut on the gross, but definitely a pay cut on the net because of going somewhere with more expensive benefits and mandatory pension contributions). This means that I will have to adjust my budget and I will always choose to adjust discretionary things like clothing before I choose to reduce things like investing. (Though I will give up sooooo many things before I consider giving up my house cleaning service because that is truly a quality of life issue for me. Though cutting back to once a month from twice a month is absolutely on the table).
For me the great thing about budgeting isn’t just that you can save money, it’s also that I feel less conflicted about spending money on fun stuff.
Budgeting X for a hobby, or eating out or whatever, makes me feel fairly free about spending money on those things because I know it’s a considered decision and not an impulse purchase that will break my long term spending goals.
I personally think this is both a math and mindset situation. For me personally, I have prioritized saving/investing as much as possible in the early years of my life because time in the market is most important. By doing that, my NW exploded the past 5 years and it has allowed my family and I to continue investing but also enjoy life a bit knowing that what we set aside will keep growing into a nice sum over the next 30 years. As I’ve gotten older, I struggle with the spending money aspect because I enjoy seeing my safety blanket for retirement become closer and closer to reality and it’s exhilarating watching that happen. At the same time though, I’ve taken a step back since having kids to realize life is short and spending money isn’t mortgaging our futures. So I’ve tried to still prioritize 401k, Roth’s, etc but then when there’s money left, be ok with spending it. What you spend it on is whatever brings you happiness which looks different for everyone. I have low cost hobbies for the most part, so traveling is where we like to spend money.
A simple rule of thumb is to save 15% of your monthly income no matter how little you make. Just stick to that and you will come out ahead compared to 99% of the population.
When I was in my 20s I spent ALL of my income (after managing to get a decent emergency fund).
No debt, but no savings beyond the emergency fund.
As my income increased, as I received bonuses I split the increase between now and future. Our lifestyle increased, but at a slower rate than did income. The difference went into savings.
Over the years this gradually increased our savings rate in both $$ and percentage of income, while still increasing our current lifestyle expenses.
The split between “saving for the future” and “actually living now” is not something that has to stay the same throughout your life.
A good argument can be made for weighting the “now” side heavier in your 20s and early 30s and transitioning more into saving for later as you progress in your career.
My wife and I are in our late 70s, and this is the advice we give to our grandchildren in their 20s just starting out.
I think it’s really hard when you’re younger because you see how everyone starts adult life very differently. Some people had college paid for. Some people didn’t get to go. Some people took out massive loans to go. Some people have enough good fortune and connections to land a great paying job out of college. Some people are doordashing to make ends meet until they get a decent position. Some folks are living with 2-4 roommates. Some people get help with a down payment from family.
It was really hard as someone who was ambitious, hard working and disciplined but started from the absolute bottom with no guidance and no idea of how things worked, to see lots of other folks in their mid to late 20s enjoy a much nicer life. I thought if I saved really well and really grinded and suffered, I’d catch up.
And to some extent, I did. I more than caught up. I may not be balling like some of the folks on here. But I’m doing waayyyy better than probably 70-80% of the country. But I try not to compare myself. I try to just keep my head down and focus on my goals.
I would sit down and look at this subs prime directive but also pick 2 goals for each decade of life: your 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s at least. Buy a house, have a kid, visit 5 countries, hit $1m in retirement, pay for kids college, own a nice car, whatever. Sit down and see what those things will cost and set up a plan to get there using the time value of money. But also focusing on what matters to you.
I will say, as someone in their late 30s, it really gets a lot easier. And you’re still young enough to have fun. I feel great in my 30s. I was stressed, anxious and broke in my 20s. Now I’m confident, comfortable and capable in my 30s. I’m not only less susceptible to peer pressure or impulse but I’m also experienced and discerning. I know what to splurge on and how to do it in a way that makes me feel good not guilty.
There’s no one-size fits all framework beyond establishing a financial foundation. You want your fixed costs to be a reasonable portion of your income, 50-60% tops. You want to maintain a six-month emergency fund in case of job loss. You want to be investing around 15% of your gross income to retirement. Once you check all those boxes, it’s up to you to determine your goals and values around money.
The best answer to your question is to budget everything out, including retirement, including short- to medium-term goals. This is how my wife and I draw it up – https://imgur.com/a/budget-spreadsheet-NKEcbYx
Anyone who looks at that can probably tell a few things about us. We’re extremely frugal with our day-to-day costs – I don’t care what I can “afford,” I want to spend as little as possible on my phone plan. I’ve been driving the same 2003 Honda Accord for 22 years (and love my car). We want to retire early, our target right now is age 50. We also love to travel, eat out. We took a ten-day trip to Italy in October that was 10% of our take-home pay.
That may be completely different from someone else’s goals. Some folks don’t care at all about retiring early, they want to live larger in the moment. Some folks hate the idea of traveling abroad. Some folks want to drive a newer car every few years. There’s no “wrong” answer unless you’re spending more than you make or failing to account for future needs.