my dad is 81 and his parkinsons has progressed to the point where he cant live alone safely anymore. my partner and i both work full time and we cant provide the care he needs at home. we live in portland oregon and need to find an assisted living facility nearby so we can visit often. this is emotionally devastating and the search feels impossible.
when i look for assisted living near me in portland i get these glossy websites and paid listings but no real sense of the care or the culture of the place. the costs are unbelievable and the contracts are pages long. im scared of choosing a place that looks nice online but is understaffed or neglectful.
his main needs are help with mobility medication management and some cognitive support. a place with experience in parkinsons would be ideal. we are trying to understand what his veterans benefits and medicare might cover but its confusing.
for other families in portland who have been through this:
how did you actually start and narrow down your search? what questions during a tour gave you the real picture?
are there any local portland or oregon specific resources or senior advocates that truly helped?
what hidden fees beyond the monthly rent did you encounter?
what were the biggest red flags and positive signs you saw when visiting places?
is there anything you wish you had known or asked at the very beginning?
im feeling overwhelmed and guilty. any practical advice from people who understand would mean the world.
need to find assisted living near me in portland for my dad this is so hard
byu/Pooni_Dhiogjen inpersonalfinance
Posted by Pooni_Dhiogjen
7 Comments
You have to visit these places in person to get a feel for them, preferably with your dad if he’s still mentally with it. And there should be someone with the VA to help you navigate what veterans’ benefits he’s eligible for, like a social worker or ombudsman.
I would post on a Portland specific sub, this one is not the place for your questions.
I would start with your local county aging office… maybe AARP or even his doctor.
My sister used to work in a nursing home. She always said that you should visit in person, unannounced. Do not schedule a visit. This is the best way to see the real operation.
It’s incredibly important to visit and tour the place.
The Oregon dept of health website might have AL/Nursing home ratings posted
Your local county dept of senior citizens affairs or city may have resources, check their websites
Medicare usually covers the initial 30 days if it’s a hospital transfer. Some AL facilities accept Medicaid many do not, so it’s private pay. And if/when the funds run out you need to find a new place.
Please plan for what your dad will need *tomorrow* not today
We visited places for my Nana, set up appointments, went on tours, talked pros and cons. It was me, and my Nana’s three surviving children doing all the footwork. Nana and I were super-close, so it made sense for me to be involved too.
The one issue we had when Nana moved in was that no one would bring her to meals. She had to remember to go on her own, and even with someone reminding her, she was missing meals regularly. She’d say she wasn’t hungry or that she’d be down in a minute, but if she didn’t go, no one brought her food. We ended up having to hire an aid to ensure she was eating.
[https://www.oregon.gov/odhs/pages/office-finder.aspx?serviceid=23&city=Portland](https://www.oregon.gov/odhs/pages/office-finder.aspx?serviceid=23&city=Portland)