I’m a dad of an 11-year-old, and recently he asked for something special for his birthday. I can’t quite afford it yet, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to surprise him while still making it meaningful.
PS: He asked for a gaming PC, but due to my financial situation I had to say no, which made me feel really bad. You know that feeling? when your kid asks for something simple, but you just can’t provide it yet.
I’d love to hear any advice or tricks for saving a bit faster.
How do you handle surprising someone you care about when you can’t afford exactly what they want?
byu/Open-Quit-7290 inFrugal
Posted by Open-Quit-7290
24 Comments
Could you buy him a PC case and some of the parts? That way over the next year or so the two of you could work on buying and assembling the rest of it.
Gaming PCs are expensive, though, I didn’t get one until I was an adult with a job and it was something like $900 even though I got comparatively cheap parts. I think it’s reasonable to tell him you can’t get him that.
Maybe instead of the whole thing you can buy an affordable, nice looking case and a how to build your own guide? Slowly build it together, if that’s something doable or that they’d like. I did that with my son, gave me time to research and save for parts.
How about quality time or a meaningful experience together. Father/son camping trip, adventure park/zip lining, theme park, sporting event he’s into, etc.
I wouldn’t call a gaming pc a simple request. That’s real money and totally understandable that you can’t come up with it quickly. Give yourself a break.
What if you take the kid on a day trip or something to make fun memories together in the meantime? Something he would really enjoy
11 is old enough that he can do some extra chores to earn money to buy a gaming PC (especially if you contribute money too). And that lesson will go a looooooong way to training him to manage his finances (my parents had me take out a loan from them and pay it back for a soccer tournament at that age.)
And speaking as a gamer, discipline and appreciation for how much a computer with certain specs costs are really valuable things to learn.
So it’s not really a surprise, but I think that’s more special. If you want to surprise him, maybe you don’t tell him that you’re going to help him buy it, and then surprise him when he’s halfway there with the other half.
First thing i’d look for used pcs on ebay or offerup. If you still can’t afford it, I’d surprise him with a saving account with some money in it with the goal of buying a gaming pc.
Try to find a used gaming PC that can handle older AAA games or indie titles. I still have a 1660 Super graphics card from 2019 and it’s fine for the games I play.
You made a dad decision, which sometimes sucks but in the long term is the correct one.
Tell him why! My parents never said why and my 10 year old brain heard “you don’t love me enough to get me [gift]”
A gaming PC is a huge privilege. Maybe help him earn money himself? Maybe contribute a portion. But I think a gaming PC is not an appropriate (or healthy) gift for an 11 year old kid.
My kid is 10 and I see his mental health takes a nosedive whenever he has more than 30 minutes of video game / computer game. You can refuse to give the gift because you love him – thats okay too.
Just tell him *why* you said no
This may be a good parenting lesson, teaching the kid the importance of living within your means and delayed gratification.
Consider the Samsung A9+, WiFi tablet with 64gb RAM . It is currently $139 at Best Buy. That is the model I bought for my wife. The Goggle Store has lots of games that are free to download. Just don’t put a wallet on you Android of Apple devices to avoid unexpected in app purchases.
Now might be the time to start teaching him about money. Give him an allowance and teach him how to save up for the things he wants. If he wants to get there faster, he can start saving up birthday and Christmas gifts too or finding ways to make extra money (cutting the neighbors lawn, walking dogs, babysitting, etc.)
Give a guide on how to build a pc if you are tech savvy.
I think the key here is that it’s a huge expense. It’s not a small thing. It’s big for an adult, let alone an 11yo. I have two kids who are now 19 and 20 and I think an important lesson for them was that sometimes you can’t have what you want just because you want it. For many reasons….too expensive, not available, not suitable or age appropriate (social media etc). And as older teenagers they genuinely thanked me for teaching them this when they see so many others who never learned these lessons.
I think other people have come up with good ideas….get parts, work towards it, or do something totally different. All are good ideas. 11yo’s shouldn’t automatically get what they want just because they want it, because you have to grow up learning that life doesn’t work like that. And I think it’s ok to gently teach them that in whatever way you think is appropriate.
Pretty sure mine would have loved a gaming PC vs the laggy laptops that struggle even with Sims. I explained how expensive they were and it just wasn’t an option. Now the oldest has a little spare money from a uni scholarship they earned. Have they bought a gaming PC? No, because they can’t justify the expense yet. But maybe one day. Valuable lessons learned. It’s ok and reasonable to say no, it doesn’t make you a bad parent!
Keep an eye on Facebook marketplace. I just picked up a gaming PC, monitor, and peripherals for $200. It needed an upgrade to the ram and GPU which I got for $150. Sold the old ram and GPU for $85. So all in was $265. This ended up with a 2070 super, 16gb of ddr4 ram, and a ok tier ryzen CPU that I can’t remember. I don’t know your exact budget but it was a very economical build.
Have you looked into a Mini PC? Depending on his gaming needs it may be able to handle and is under half the price of a desktop. If not, do you know how or know anyone that can build a PC? Buy one piece at a time and build with the PC together?
If you’re based in NYC I have a GTX 1080 GPU that’s just sitting around. It’s almost 10yrs old but could definitely handle older/simpler games like Minecraft/fortnite. Might not be super helpful but could work if you get your hands on a PC without a dedicated GPU that you could slot it into.
The real gift would be never giving your son a gaming system, ever. Get him karate lessons or something useful.
Tell him honestly that it’s more than you can afford right now. Ask him to research the best specs and suggest that the two of you build one from scratch. Put aside a set amount every paycheck to buy the different components. This will help teach him delayed gratification, how to save up for things, and you will both have great memories of working on this project together.
Get used parts!! It’s eco-friendly and they are a great way to learn, then he can upgrade certain parts with chores/saving his own money (I’m assuming this would be his first one). I’d frame it as “let’s build a ‘practice’ one together while we save up for a really nice one” that way you don’t accidentally burn out any parts that are new.
Lots of folks upgrade perfectly working parts annually while the previous years’ don’t yet become obsolete — I usually get most things on marketplace etc though I got my gfx card from my brother when he upgraded his
What game does he want to play that requires a gaming PC? Does he just want a non-laptop? Gaming PCs are expensive because they have things like better quality graphics cards. He probably doesn’t actually need those capabilities and would be fine with a cheaper tower and moniter.
I just want to say that you’re a good parent for even caring. My parents wouldn’t have entertained buying me something like that. It’s a big ask and it’s so nice that you want to make it happen for him.
A lot of “gaming pc” is hype, and a high-end refurbished Dell Precision laptop will pack the same power and performance: I got mine on ebay refurbished for less than $400, and new two years prior Dell sold it for $3,500 to engineers and executives. Look for refurbished Precision 7750, 7550, 7740, 7540, 7730, 7530 you will find great prices. Get a 200w or higher power supply.
Can you get him something small and let him know you’re working on saving up for the PC? Maybe he can get an afterschool lil job to help with it. Like tutoring someone’s kid or shoveling some snow.
Being a good father isn’t about giving your son everything he wants. He might not know it now, but time spent with you will someday be more important than that computer. Try to find something to do with him, experience are more important than things. The fact that you are trying shows that you are a good parent.