So I grew up in the US but have been living overseas for almost a decade now. Before I left I still had a Bank of America checking account, which if I understand is a joint account with my parents, which they have access to. That one's still active.
Due to familial circumstances I'll be moving back stateside and initially back with my parents. Thus for the purposes of getting paid from my new job, and transferring the funds back from my overseas bank, I'll need to open a bank account registered at this address – but for the sake of drama I'd rather not disclose my financial situation with them (let's say my savings thus far is below their expectations) preferably without raising their alarm.
What's the best way to go about this? As I see it I have two concerns:
– parents opening my mail and reading the balance from a mailed account statement
– parents going to the bank branch and requesting access to my account (I've heard it isn't unheard of for banks in smaller communities to allow this)
What's the best course of action? Open a separate BofA account? Open an account with another bank entirely? (Chase, Wells Fargo?) Which is easiest to opt out of physical mail entirely and only have email communication?
Moving back in with parents and opening a bank account they can't view or access
byu/inebriated_otter inpersonalfinance
Posted by inebriated_otter
17 Comments
Get a PO box for the mail and open an account at a different bank entirely – most banks let you go paperless from day one now so you won’t even need to worry about statements showing up
Also might want to consider an online bank like Ally or Capital One 360 since they’re paperless by default and your parents probably won’t even know they exist
Protect your digital access to banking with 2FA and never allow family to access passwords. Use the “don’t remember me” on banking apps so full authentication is required every time. Congrats and good luck !
Open a new bank account at a different bank chain — you don’t want your parents to be able to social engineer their way into accessing your account via tellers that they already know.
Also get a PO Box and get all your physical mail there.
Don’t bother sticking with BoA. Even if you open an account at a different branch, it’s still possible someone might try to do something “nice” or “convenient” and link your parents to it. Go to a different bank entirely, or a credit union, and immediately sign up for paperless statements. You probably don’t even need to go into a building to open the account if you are going to use a major bank, I’m less sure about credit unions.
Go to a different bank. Open an account. Request emails only. Don’t order checks.
Don’t opt in for paper statements, it’s 2026, it’s an option at most reputable banks.
Go to a bank that your parents don’t use
Opt for electronic statements only or have mail documents sent to a PO Box
Don’t tell them where you are banking.
Go to a different bank and open a PO Box.
Is there a branch/presence of a US Bank in the country where you are? Citibank seems to be everywhere. Might help if there’s someone local.
But it’s generally NBD to open an account online and go paperless. You might have some issues with proving who you are kind of thing, that’s why it might be easier to do it in person in your current country.
Don’t get statements mailed to you. Do online access only. You are an adult. As long as the account is in your name only the bank will not give out your information to your parents. It’s illegal for them to do so and any employee that does this would likely be fired.
You will need a paid-for mailbox. One with a street address, not one from the post office. Open an account at a bank that your parents do not use and have the mailbox address as your address. Even with paperless requested they still will send you a debt card, and occasionally some advertising.
People are generally giving good advice but some banks — even online only ones — are *really* hard to convince to send absolutely nothing to your mailing address. Even if you opt in for “all” paperless, for regulatory compliance they are required by federal law to get a valid physical residential address (not P.O. box) and they will often send at least one thing in the mail. If it matters for your situation it’s usually not clearly labeled with the sender (usually just an address).
**Edit:** here are the primary two laws governing these requirements
*31 CFR § 1020.220 – Customer identification program requirements for banks.*
[https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/31/1020.220](https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/31/1020.220)
*Patriot Act (see section 326 “Verification of identification”)*: [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/PLAW-107publ56/pdf/PLAW-107publ56.pdf](https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/PLAW-107publ56/pdf/PLAW-107publ56.pdf)
Go paperless . Bank at a seperate bank even if you have to go out of town to get an account . They won’t know the bank and the bank won’t know them. Also . Have your account set up with a “special” protection so no one can access it without that special pin or password . It will make it harder for you as well, but it’s sure protection from parent’s /family access.
Why will you live with your parents if you don’t trust them to respect your privacy? I hope it is for a very short time… good luck OP!
With respect to the question, open a separate account in your name only at a bank that is NOT the same as them, get a PO Box and have your mail delivered there. Of course, you should go paperless, but there are things that still get snail mailed.
Edit: I see a lot of notes that a PO Box is not needed, the suggestion is so parents don’t open ANY of OPs mail. I think banks need a physical address, but most also have an option for a different ‘mailing’ address. Might want to check with the bank.
Revolut. All paperless and you can open accounts in numerous currencies.
The UPS Store has mailboxes with a street address. That might work for you.
Different bank entirely and electronic statements. I do that with my credit union.