I need advice pertaining to the parent plus loan. I graduated undergrad in 2020. Recently my mother sent me a text regarding loans that are equivalent to $80,000. I had no idea about this 80,000 until she texted me (December 2025). I am currently in the SAVE plan and aware of my loans, interest rates, etc. with things that are in my name. I was blind sided when she texted me about this. My mother and I did not have a formal agreement about college when I started in 2016. All that was discussed is that she said she would help for college and there was no further discussion. Right now she wants me to pay back the 80,000 and wants me to have the loan in my name through refinancing.
My mother and I have always had a strained relationship. We have not had any conversation in the past years other than texts saying happy birthday, happy holidays, etc. I do not feel comfortable giving my mother money for the loans as she has made poor financial decisions. She asked one of these years in school to have my refund check since “times were tough”. I did not give her the money.
I know the parent is financially responsible for the loan. However, I do feel conflicted since she took out the money for my school. I have the financial records from my school and it clearly shows I did not need any parent plus loan, as I was in state at a public university.
Looking for advice on how to navigate this situation. Thank you!
Parent wants me to pay parent plus loan
byu/Low_Yam_1212 inStudentLoans
Posted by Low_Yam_1212
25 Comments
So did she use that money on your tuition? or no?
I’m confused. Was the parent plus loan used for tuition, or not? Isn’t your consent needed for this loan to be taken out and show up on your FAFSA? How could you not know about it or the amount?
parent plus is the parents responsibility.
never refinance out of the federal protections.
It is the parent’s responsibility per the loan documents SHE signed. You’re not responsible morally or financially to repay that amount. Do NOT refinance in your name. No is a complete answer.
Respectfully, this is her problem and not yours. You had no agreement to pay these loans and didn’t even know they existed. She signed the paperwork and agreed to the terms for her loans.
If you are feeling charitable, I wouldn’t even consider paying anything until you can be sure that these loans went entirely to your schooling.
And do NOT get a private loan to pay for these. Ever.
Tell your mother to consolidate her loans immediately to become eligible for an IDR payment based on her income. This must be done before July 2026.
If you ever decide to pay anything towards these loans make sure you do it directly by logging into her account. Do not just give her money if she has been shady with it before.
But, again, you have no obligation to pay these loans.
Even if you wanted to help her pay HER loan, refinancing would be the worst possible option. It would likely be at a worse interest rate and remove any federal student loan protections the loan has.
Best option, just say no. She said she would help with college, not rack up loans with no plans to pay them back. If you’re a very generous person, ask her to produce documents showing what she spent the money on and what payments she’s made since they were taken out. She’s likely spent some of that money on herself and/or allowed the loans to balloon from not making payments.3
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Use this as an opportunity to reconcile with your mom. Compromise: get her budget in order and have her agree to your terms and then contribute what you can. It’s her loan if she refuses. Try to be a good son even if it fails in the end.
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She needs to consolidate those loans and get onto ICR so that she can later switch to IBR. This needs done ASAP. While it’s not necessarily an issue now, it gives her options in the future. If nothing else, help her get this done.
I’m sitting this one out on the you and her issue.
You need to sit down with your mom to reconcile where the money went.
Bring out all the loans, all the bills for school, and some sort of estimation for the carrying cost of school – car insurance, housing, food, cell phone, books, internet access… anything she sent you money for.
After you sort that, figure out who is taking what percentage of the loan repayment. It may be 0% to you if your other loans covered everything and there is no record or evidence the parents plus loans benefited you.
Then have all the payments come from your account (don’t transfer any ownership unless you plan to refinance your portion of the debt) and have her contribute whatever percentage you agreed upon to your account so you can automate the payment process. (Unless your part is 0 – than leave it as her responsibility.)
If she won’t partner with you to determine how the money was used, cut bait and never speak to her again. You don’t need family that makes you poor.
Edit – you need a plan for how you will pay your loans as well. IBR is a great plan for PSLF, otherwise you should pay your obligations in full and on time.
PLUS loans are a huge problem area for public policy. A not insignificant number of parents take them out to fund things totally unrelated to the student’s education. Home remodels, vacations, cars, etc all can be funded and then a manipulative parent can scream guilt trips at their adult kid with the hope of a bail out.
Where did the money go? If you decide you want to give her money, you should make it wildly clear in writing (that you retain a notarized copy of and scan into a cloud server) that the money is a gift and you do not accept any liability for a PLUS loan.
What was the money used on? How much did she give you? That’s the cap on what I would feel comfortable paying back. If that.
I’m just confused about the last paragraph if the money wasn’t needed and she still took out the loans for you where did the money all go? did she get the money, the school, or you? not trying to be accusatory just very confused sorry if it comes off as accusatory.
The parent had a choice when they sign the loans. She’s coming to you cause she’s broke and wants more money from you, this is the most subtle way.
You have evidence she’s been financially abusing you by her trying to get the refund checks.
Go No contact and walk. This person is a parasite
Like others have said, technically the loans are entirely and completely utterly hers. Even though she got the loans to pay for her schooling, they are 100% hers.
Morally or relationship-wise you may feel compelled to pay them off or take responsibility over them, but in your situation where you don’t even have a relationship with your mom, I would not feel this way at all.
The other glaring part is that you mention you didn’t even need the loan money from that. Did she even spend that money for your education or did she use it to finance her own lifestyle? It doesn’t make a difference because either way it’s not your problem, but obviously if she didn’t even spend it on you, she’s insane for even considering bringing this up.
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Did you receive the money, or did it go to her? I was under the impression that they went to the parent (after the school is paid) as the default option. Did she sign paperwork for you to get and then you ended up with an extra $80k in undergrad and just not question it? Or did she use your attendance to get funding for herself, thinking you would be paying it back? Either way, she is legally responsible for it and even if you do want to pay it back, I would absolutely not refinance it. It’s better as a federal loan. If you do make payments (either in full or partial), I would have them autopay or log in and make payments yourself. From the bit you’ve described, I wouldn’t trust her to actually pay it back if you just sent the cash.
Well you didn’t consent to this. Might as well be hard about it, but it’s reality.
She signed it, not you. Ask her how exactky does she expect you to pay for this? Do you have a job with a stable income yet?
Where and how exactly did these $80k fund your college without your notice? So where did the money go if you knew that you have the records? How much exactly of is went towards your education and how much went elsewhere? This isn’t your’s to bear.
OP, did the loan go towards your living expenses
Where did the 80k go?
What did she even do with that money if you didn’t even need it? Yeesh. Do not refinance that.
***I had no idea about this 80,000 until she texted me….hahahaha..gimme a brk***