This is a long, so please be patient. I’m trying not to spiral or to keep spiraling, rather. I could use perspective from people who’ve been in this spot.
In the late fall of last year, I was laid off for the first time in my life. I’m the sole breadwinner for my family,and I struggled to build up a large savings until recently. But the moment I got the news I knew what I wanted to do and surprisingly was relieved vs scared because I could now pursue my dream. I decided to finally launch my business full-time. I had always intended to do it closer to retirement. The idea had really possessed me for many years and I saw the "problem" my business was meant to solve, daily while I worked for others. So it was on when they told me the news.
And the good news was it's minimal startup costs, and I've been creating and saving content for years. As my son says I'm basically charging people for what's in my head. I know it's more complicated than that but that's how he understood it.
When I was no longer working 65 hours a week for a narcissistic pinhead the creativity and ideas just came out like a firehose and I spent several months creating the framework for something great. I had many of my boxes checked to start selling what I made. And I was almost ready to launch. I also genuinely believed in the business and felt like I had a ton of support when I would share the idea with others. I already had approval for several free classes at the local schools to get some feedback and start gathering testimonials. I was so excited.
Then Murphy's law hit me in the forehead.
I was pressured to move in a family member and wasn't told about their substance abuse and mental health issues. It took almost three months to get them out and it drained my time and energy and some of my finances. I also had to give up my home office which was in my extra bedroom. This impacted my daily tasks way more than I expected.
Two weeks later, I let my nephew move in temporarily after a bad breakup. (I know, I know) He is young and had no one supporting him. My family is an entirely different Reddit post.
It was supposed to be short-term and we are now on month three. He just got a job and starts next week, but until now it’s been sleeping until 2 pm, gaming all night, and me somehow gaining another "child". I love him, but it’s been another layer of stress and distraction.
Since October we've all the flu. I have been in excruciating pain because of carpal tunnel and moving away from my normal ergonomic office layout. I recently got steroid shots in my wrist to alleviate the pain until I can get surgery. My elderly mother with dementia got very sick. (I take care of her too) My child got hurt at school and suffered a brain injury (he’s doing better now). Last but not least my 12 yr old cat, who is my heart was diagnosed with leukemia. I’m caring for her around the clock between medication, 2 hr feeding and monitoring. She’s basically skin and bones now and I know I'll have to decide soon to put her to rest. It’s heartbreaking and time consuming.
Financially, things got tight fast. I planned to supplement my savings with part-time work, but that hasn't worked so far. I never filed for unemployment even though I was eligible. I didn’t want to and didn’t think I’d needed it), and now I’m not even sure if I can. Believe me I am aware of my missteps. My car needed repairs and my health insurance skyrocketed.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I feel like I'm not trying very hard right now and I was the queen of hustle before.
I know that I’ve probably slipped into a mild depression. I’m normally pretty social, but I’ve went silent on almost everyone. Colleagues I used to talk to regularly have drifted away. I know that's normal, but it still hurts. They were my biggest supporters of me launching the company. My business is relationship-based, and requires lots of talking and connecting with people. But lately I don’t even want to leave the house. It makes me question if I still have that magic I thought I had.
But last week, I ran into a friend unexpectedly. We talked for two hours, and she completely lit me back on fire for my idea. I had forgotten how much I believe in how much good this business can do and she reminded me that there are others who believe in it to. I think the spark was never gone-it was just buried under a pile of life and the junk that comes with it sometimes .
But it didn't take long for me to slip right back into the hole. Or maybe it's better explained by saying I just feel like I'm hitting a wall. I currently have no family support, no partner and have a super tiny circle of friends who stay busy with their own lives most of the time. My career and kids have always been my motivation.
But now I feel stuck, not just overwhelmed and anxious but litterally stuck. It's like someone plugged up the faucet of ideas and executive function and motivation. I also intended to have several certifications that I really need completed by now. And I let all this time pass and didn't do any of them.
I don’t know how to restart. I find myself sleeping late, mostly because I can't sleep at night. I'm doing house tasks instead of getting on the computer, and feeling anxious as soon as I think about money. If I don’t start bringing income in soon, I’ll have to abandon the full-time launch and take an evening/weekend job at much lower pay and i'm terrified that I'll never get it launched if I have to do that. I also have ADHD that I usually manage very well . I was diagnosed many years ago and have been coached, know the coping tools and have access to medication. But it's still one more thing.
I have quite a bit of good content and a solid business plan completed . But I'm going to be presenting my offers to C- suites, universities and professionals. I can't just throw out mediocre stuff. And yes, the ADHD exacerbates the need for perfection.
So I guess my question is:
Has anyone been in this place-or you know you have something great and you're on the verge of showing it to the world, but life completely knocked the wind out of you? How did you get unstuck and sort through the things that have all fallen by the wayside? How do I survive the daily living while still keeping the future of this company on track? I am not ready to give up.
Please be realistic- but kind, it's been a rough road.
Posted by Normal-Hair-7661
5 Comments
I’ve been in a version of this place, and what stood out to me reading your post is that nothing here sounds like a lack of ability or commitment. It sounds like prolonged crisis stacking. When enough hard things happen back to back, even very capable people lose access to energy, clarity, and momentum. That isn’t failure, it’s nervous system overload.
One thing that helped me was separating survival from progress. There were stretches where the only realistic goal was staying afloat financially and emotionally, even if that meant pausing the bigger vision without abandoning it. Taking temporary work did not kill the long term plan, but trying to force progress while depleted almost did.
The fact that one conversation reignited your belief tells me the spark is still there. It just needs conditions that support it again. Getting unstuck for me started with reducing pressure, not increasing hustle, and giving myself permission to stabilize first. The work didn’t disappear. It waited until I could meet it again.
This is a rough road. If you want some support beyond anonymous Redditors (who are awesome, don’t get me wrong!), you might be interested in our free business owners community. A lot of us have been in the same position of being laid off, trying to find our way afterwards, and family not understanding how to offer support.
You get unstuck by continuing to put one foot in front of the other and pushing when you don’t feel like it. And by reaching out and asking for help, as you are. Best of luck to you!
(Two One Four Business Owners is the name of our community, if you’re interested… no pressure! just want to help if possible)
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Okay I articulated one thought. You’re in survival mode, which is actually a physical problem, it’s to do with your amygdala vs your prefrontal cortex, these are sloppy squishy things in your cranium, so something that’s helped me recently is to just have the mindset shift of seeing it that way. I don’t need to REASON with myself, I need serotonin. That sort of thing. Instead of moralizing (blaming yourself) or trying to analyze it further (but why do I feel this way TODAY still?) just be like, right, a particular part of my meatsack is lacking a particular liquid, let’s see if I can find some. You already know the reasons, you just explained them to us. Further ruminating on them is actually your brain just filling in a task to do (ruminate) because it doesn’t think you gave it one. It’s sort of tricking you into thinking that the rumination is a prefrontal cortex thing, when actually it’s an amygdala thing in a prefrontal cortex suit. That’s my two cents, grains of salt and all that. 🙂
I only read through half of this. But it sounds like if this is something you can persist through, you will become a better person.
Life is handing you a moment. Do your best, be open to the lessons that live in all things and try not to take everything so seriously. Fear is governing your life, as it does for all of us.
Poetic, I know, but just know you got this! Adjust for burnout, commit to becoming a different person in the next 30 seconds. And get on your grind. Good luck friend.