Not enough people talk about the devastation of getting in to school after school and having to immediately turn the all down. My daughter is graduating top 3 in her class. Had a super impressive application so she’s getting in everywhere. But the merit aid is just not where it needs to be.
My husband and I had about $120k in student loans between us. We were very poor for most of our married lives so we still have $30k. The problem is my husband now has a higher paying job landing us in the “too rich for needs based aid” category but we have very little saved, are wildly behind in retirement, etc. and before you assume… we live very frugally and are slowly catching up but it’s a process. My daughter has been excepted to 7 schools so far including our local state school and the cheapest option is $35k per year. We can comfortably afford $10k. Possibly stretch to $15k if we cut back on paying off our own student loans or put less into retirement.
So that leaves her with $20k of debt per year. She wants to be an engineer so hopefully she’d land a good job but I’m worried. Do I tell her she can’t go to college? Do I send her to community college and hope enough transfers to an engineering program that it doesn’t destroy her options. Or do I let her do the debt? It’s honestly so stressful.
Posted by Life-Mastodon5124
7 Comments
This is pretty simple.
Do the research before hand to find the schools credits will transfer too. Go to community college and live at home
Yup. Common situation. You can’t tell her she can’t go. But you can refuse to help. Results may vary.
Has she applied for merit based scholarships? There are a lot of scholarships based on grades and fields of study. Have her apply to scholarships based on grades, STEM, women in stem, local, school specific, etc. There are options and you should really have her focus on scholarships if her grades are good.
Also going to a community college isn’t a bad idea. There are a lot of scholarships for transfer students. Look at her top choices and see what community colleges they partner with the most for transfer students. They may have bridge programs to help with the process.
Consider all your options before telling her she can’t go because of finances.
As a father of 3, I cant fathom not fighting my kids tooth and nail NOT to go to college. What a waste. Especially in 2026, exponentially so every year after 2026. Debt aside. Even if she only went into debt $100 a semester it is still not worth it. Entry level jobs for those with degrees have already all but died due to AI. This time last year, mainstream media and just mainstream overall never even mentioned AI. Fast forward one year and look at what it is capable of. Even if it stopped getting better now, the odds of graduates getting in anywhere has been cut down at least 2/3 and that is extremely conservative.So for every graduate TODAY, there might be 100 entry level jobs requiring degrees avaliable for every 300 graduates.
Community college for 2 years that has transfer agreements. She should live at home. Yep it sucks but it sucks more to have $100k in student loans even if starting salary will be or near $100k
Also some engineering programs are 5 and not 4 years. Once she has taken all that she can at CC transfer. Id find the cheapest after non loan awards and go there. Include total cost including housing, food etc. living at home and commuting often ends up being cheapest.
Its that or sign up for $100k of loans or dont go to college. Math still shows college is worth it especially for engineering. Id be careful with Parent Plus loans as they use your income vs hers (and only idr available by this summer so might not even apply), your disability and other work status not hers. She is jobless or disabled they wont care as its your loan – you are legally responsible.
My parents saved $0 for college and even with CC, working year round etc I still ended up with significant loans as was not allowed to live at home.
Id avoid as much loans as possible.
Apply to schools far away even – if they offer enough aid it could be cheaper than state school and living at home. Example. Many private schools are covering cost for incomes much much higher than state schools. If her grades and test scores are high she likely can get accepted at some.
If she has to take loans I advise living home post grad rent free to put that savings to paying the loans. Yep, it sucks. But the alternative is often worse.
Community college. I went to CC and got my undergrad and my masters at the age of 28. Remember at a certain age she can apply for aid on her own but it’s a long wait. I’ll never understand going to a 4 year school for pre-requisites.
Applying to local and state scholarships should be a full time job during the summer and fall for seniors. I had great grades but an average SAT score but was able to have my first two years completely covered through 8-10 scholarships that I received. I graduated from a large state university with only 20k in student loans. Another 20k for grad school. I honestly wouldn’t recommend taking on anything more than that. If the scholarships or aid isn’t there, go to community college.