I would love any creative ideas on how we can help my aunt financially, other than giving her cash.
The short story is that she is 75 and has no savings. She rents an apartment and works a minimum wage job. My parents want to help her out financially so she doesn't have to work, but when they give her money directly, she seems to just spend it or give it to her daughter, who spends it.
I suggested paying her rent directly, or maybe buying a car she can use so she doesn't have a car payment.
While I completely understand judgments about her financial situation, we already have enough of those… so really just looking for ideas on how we can help her work less at her age.
I am open to boundary-type suggestions, but I'm also realistic that neither my parents nor my aunt could probably follow through.
Thank you so much!
Ideas for helping my older aunt financially?
byu/Bitter-Salamander980 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Bitter-Salamander980
17 Comments
simple things like phone/tv/internet bill paying would make a lot of sense. being connected to family and firends is important to the elderly; TV is (unfortunatly) a very common way to spend time.
this reduceser aunt’s spending burdent; your parent’s money cant get sent to “undesired” uses
If it is well within your parent’s means, I think it would be perfectly reasonable to take over the bills to the extent that your aunt would no longer need to work. Then any money she earns (if she wants to continue working) she can spend on things she actually enjoys rather than stressing about rent.
If you don’t want to give her cash, pay her bills.
Then she can spend or give her daughter the money she would have used for bills.
You can’t force someone to be financially responsible.
You have to have reality. If she hasn’t figured out how to properly manage her finances in 75 years, she never will. While your intentions are good, I doubt they will have the desired outcome.
I strongly suggest doing nothing at the moment, BUT set aside that money to have available when she can no longer work or has some major crisis or needs to move and needs money for moving costs.
I have learned the hard way with family about giving money… I’ve been burned too many times… my new rule when I’m asked to loan money is… ‘before I turn over my hard earned money to you, I need to see your checking account to see how your spending your money’. It eliminates the weak (those that know they are spending their money foolishly)!
Help her max out on benefit programs. Check with your local senior center or department on aging. Medicaid, SNAP, Social Security, food banks, subsidized housing, discount bus passes, free lunches at the senior center, utility help, etc. It depends on the area for local programs, but ours has a lot for low income seniors. Our area has good public transportation and subsidized ride shares for seniors, so if she has something like that it would be cheaper than a car.
She may need to just rent a room or rent with roommates. Four seniors living together Golden Girl girl style would have a household income of around $100K with average SS benefits. Some areas have senior roommate matching services where the service does the screening and background checks. I would work with her on all these options before agreeing to help support her.
We gave money to low income elderly relatives who didn’t have enough money for heat, and they just gave it to a spendthrift adult child, who used it for optional home upgrades.
ETA: added the average SS benefits for the GG lifestyle.
I would set up a bi weekly delivery of small packages of meals. Just a few meals to ease her food budget or to stick up and overwhelm her freezer. Do your research there are many. Ask her what she likes and doesn’t. That way you don’t reorder things she won’t eat.
Also stop by once a month w the basics (toothpaste /tooth brush, toilet paper, body soap and shampoo, paper towels, laundry soap etc).
Maybe hire a maid service to do floors once a month.
Is her laundry in the unit or does she need quarters? We have a system called payrange, we fund the account and when we wash they debit the account. I’d drop off a roll of quarters every once in awhile.
Add her to someone’s phone plan so that bill disappears.
Make a reasonable list of things will fit her situation and see how many people can help. Split it up if possible.
Wish you every success.
I don’t mean to lack generosity, but how is it any different if you pay her rent and she works for money to blow, vs her working for rent money and you giving her money to blow? Apart from sparing her the act of mailing a check or clicking on online transfer, it seems as though she is in the same position in either scenario, no?
Money is fungible. If you pay rent, that is money that she can otherwise spend however she likes. Has she asked for help or to work less?
I have relatives like this. You have to set boundaries of what you can and are willing to do. I mean it doesn’t sound like she’s begging for money or something. Your just wanting to be nice and help out. By the way… that’s not intended as a judgement. That’s targeted at your comment of being realistic. I had to sit down with myself and setup boundaries of what I will or wont do so that I don’t destroy my future saving there’s. To me, this was the most important step and it was hard. Because I had to say no one time that was very scary for my parents. But saving them would have meant we would both drowned together.
Most of my family has there act together now. But back in the past, some of my relatives were very good about using the money how you asked them too and for those I just gave them something. But others weren’t. For those, you pay directly. If your paying for groceries go pick up some staples or go shopping with them. Pay there bill directly.
This was years ago… but I also started a small brokerage account where I would put in a small amount of money over time. I’m not saying this was a smart plan. But.. what I did was when it was up. I would use some of the money in there to help offset the burden. When it was down. I would use my own funds directly. Keeping in mind that this was over a period of decades. Not years. The actual intention of making the fund was so that I could eventually give it to one of my relatives as a one time gift. I was going to hand it to them and tell them that I would no longer be helping them. They got there act together and it’s now part of my retirement funds instead. So it ended up working out ok.
Your ant is 75, so Idk if this is worth doing, but thought I would mention it. I also wasn’t helping every month. Usually it was large numbers every few months. But the point I’m making is that… if you have a little extra money. One thing that I considered was a one time gift saying it’s no more. You have to learn how to use this money efficiently. And I’m willing to help you learn. But after that.. the bank of me is closed.
75 year old does not need a car and should not be driving if she isn’t already an active driver.
Look for senior subsidized housing that the county offers. Not Section 8. But a senior community. This would keep her independent, allow her daughter to think about supporting her and encourage her to keep her job. Handing money over to someone irresponsible doesn’t always help. Seniors who continue to work fare better mentally, physically and socially.
Has she asked you to help her? If not, stay out of it.
I strongly suggest not giving her something, like a car, which she can easily give away.
When a relative of mine could no longer drive, her best friend would drive her places in my relative’s car. It was a win-win. Friend got to use the car any time desired but didn’t have to pay any expenses for the car. My relative was still able to get around with some independence. And I didn’t have to drive my relative around.
Eventually my relative gave her friend the car. Not long afterwards, the friend gave the car to their daughter.
So then the friend could no longer drive my relative nor did friend have a car to use (and nope friend’s daughter didn’t really help friend either).
Do you know and trust any high school/college kids/sahm that you could hire weekly for an hour or two to grocery shop for her and deliver them to her?
Unlike instacart with delivery fees, service fees, and tips the shopper could be paid a set fee.
The shopper could make a some spending money, you wouldnt be handing your aunt cash to give to her daughter and at 75, she wouldnt have to be loading and unloading heavy groceries and it would be more personalized.
We did things like buy pet food and pay for some bills directly. If she can’t help herself with her daughter I wouldn’t buy a car because you know where that would go.
I would take her shopping once a month for staples or non-perishables if she has storage space. Stuff like paper towels, TP, body wash, toothpaste and deodorant. This not only benefits her in terms of cost but also if she’s in a place with bad weather. She doesn’t have to go out.
If the daughter is a mooch there is nothing you can do. We decided to *never* give her cash or things her daughter might be tempted to “borrow.”
Good luck.
My children and I are having to help out their dad, my ex. Despite his MBA he has made terrible financial decisions in his life.
We do not give him cash. We give gift cards for groceries or pay directly to the manager of his apartment.
If we gave him cash he would likely invest is some more Iraqi Denar or some other internet scam.
Money is fungible. Whatever you pay on her rent means more money she can give to her daughter.
If you become okay with the fact that you can’t control what she spends her cash on, then sure, help her pay rent, add her to your family phone plan, whatever level of assistance you want to give.