I lost a pair of really nice leather gloves that I'd bought recently as an investment. They fit me beautifully, were a striking colour with a cashmere lining, and I wore them literally everyday. They were a part of my sense of style. But I'm so pissed at myself for dropping them that I don't feel like I "deserve" to buy them again. Even though it's something that brought me joy, I feel like I should do the responsible thing and not immediately spend money on a non-essential (i have another cheap basic pair, and it's getting warmer here anyway). How do you deal with these complicated feelings?
I lost something valuable and I'm mad at myself
byu/everythingisplanned inFrugal
Posted by everythingisplanned
10 Comments
Hopefully they go on sale soon. Forgive yourself and buy them. You won’t make the same mistake again.
Sounds like it is time to drop some hints to someone about a birthday or Christmas.
To me, it’s less about punishing myself for a mistake and more about “how am I going to change my behaviour going forward so that I don’t make the same mistake twice?”
With gloves, I always put them into the pockets of my coat as I take them off. Remove the right glove and it goes straight into the right-hand pocket before I take my left glove off. I trained myself to do this after I lost a pair of gloves. I also know adults who keep their gloves on “stupid strings” like children’s mittens (alas, I am too stupid for stupid strings because I kept getting them tangled up, lol)
You found something you love and makes your life better on the daily.
Accidental mistakes are meant to be learned from, not punished or held over you forever.
It’s okay to be sad for a while, it happens to all of us. I fully understand how nice good gloves are. You deserve good gloves!
Coincidentally, I talked about a similar topic recently with a friend, who mentioned that she was frustrated about losing gloves again. It made me think. I used to lose (cheap) gloves ALL the time. About 10 years ago I also splurged and got a pair of really nice leather gloves. I still have them.
I think getting the fancy gloves made me take much better care of them. If I hadn’t bought these, I’d likely have lost 3 pairs of cheaper ones in the meantime, and would have paid more in total but never have nice gloves. I do realize it’s not cheap gloves you lost and in this regard my experience doesn’t fit 100%, but my opinion is still that you should get nice ones again and treat it as a learning experience to take even better care.
I do have another mental trick. Each month, I give myself a “f*** up” budget. It’s small, but it’s there. If I don’t f*** up anything that month, it will stay on the invisible account, and next month’s budget will get added to it. I’m only human, everyone f*** up, it’s okay to have a f*** up budget. Now if you do f*** up, and it’s covered in the budget, no reason to be angry! That’s what the budget is for. It will be drained a bit, but it will also fill up again. And just by existing, it “pays” with some ease of mind, which is really quite priceless.
Mourn the loss then get another pair. Do you lose other items? Does it happen regularly or a one off? Follow the lesson
Everything on this earth can be lost. C’est la vie. Let it go. Don’t carry unnecessary, heavy emotions about it.
If you can afford new gloves, get them. If you can’t afford them right now, start saving money for them.
It’s not about “deserving” them. It’s about affording them. If you want to spend money on a new pair, and if it makes you happy, then 100% do it.
You deserve it! I buy 2 pairs of the same gloves or mittens now. I’m always losing the right hand glove. I understand that it might not be feasible if you’re buying a real nice pair of leather gloves. I did buy a nice pair of leather gloves from Ocean State Job Lots for $8.
Don’t feel too mad at yourself. Most people lose something small and important at some point. You learn how to avoid it in the future — find a safe space for the item, double-check to make sure it’s there, that kind of thing.
As you said, it’s getting warmer out, so it might not be prudent to buy another pair unless you see them go on sale. That’s a real possibility, tbh; plenty of winter apparel goes on sale as the season comes to an end.
Maybe someone who really needed gloves but couldn’t afford the found them?