Hi! I’m a 26F trying to figure out what makes the most sense financially and mentally now. I recently got a job in suburban Maryland, and I’m really torn between two options: move to DC in a 1bd/1ba or stay with my parents and commute 1–1.5 hours each way (in DC traffic)
I’ve never lived alone. I either lived with roommates during undergrad/grad school or at home, so living alone feels like a huge luxury. I know I can technically afford it (pre-tax income is 120k), but I’m having a really hard time justifying it when I could be saving/investing a lot more instead
(Before I get roasted lol, I know I’m in a fortunate position. But I’m brown, and watching my parents sacrifice and save their whole lives honestly gave me a pretty unhealthy mindset around money. I have a hard time spending on myself even when I know I can)
A big factor is that I need my car for work, and my job is not near a Metro station, so even if I moved to DC, I’d still be dealing with having a car, parking, and around 15-20 min commute.
If I stay with my parents and commute, I’d obviously save a lot more money. Most 1 beds I’m seeing are at least $2,100+ with my preferred amenities and that’s before parking/utilities. But the tradeoff is my mental health, energy, and independence at 26. Living at home makes me regress to my high school angsty self and I don't like that energy.
What worries me is that I already know a 2–3 hour total daily commute is going to be HORRID. I feel like I’d be less motivated to do anything after working.
On the other hand, moving closer to DC feels appealing because I’d have more independence, be closer to things going on, and maybe actually feel like I’m enjoying this phase of life for once. I’m in my 20s, and part of me feels like if I’m ever going to live in the city, this is probably the time. I also feel like I’d be way happier and more likely to do things after work if I wasn’t spending so much time in the car.
The downside is obviously cost. Since I’d be living alone, it adds up fast. I’m pretty frugal overall and don’t really shop a ton or eat out constantly, but my brain keeps looking at that extra $2k/month as money that could go toward savings, trips, or experiences instead.
TYIA!!!!!
Moving to a HCOL area or commuting 1.5 hours??
byu/Dapper-Employment197 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Dapper-Employment197
20 Comments
What/ how much debt do you have? Student loan debt? Car loans? Credit card debt?
No amount of saving is worth 3 hours a day commuting.
Spending 3 hours a day in traffic is mind destruction.
I’m reading your thoughts AND the words you wrote here. You’re 26 and want to “get into your adult life” with a variety of concerns about staying “home” because of the $ (not to mention spending 3 hours every day commuting) You’re in your 20’s once, and you have other reasons to not stay with mom and dad.
I’d say if you don’t have major financial drags like big credit card ot student loan debt….
Move.
You can’t put a price on your youth or emotional well being (not to mention just a lifestyle that has you commuting 3 hrs per day). If finances are okay (and I assume that you will make more in the future) – make that life for yourself.
3 hours daily commute vs 1 hour?
Take the 1 hour.
You are also old enough to get out of your parent’s house. They may complain to you about leaving, but trust me, they will appreciated it.
DC is best. Could you get a 2 bedroom apartment in DC, with a roommate? It is cheaper than getting a 1 bedroom by yourself. Plus a total 3 hour commute is brutal. Plus, if you want to date, do you want to bring a girlfriend back to your parents’ house?
At 120K/year, you need to be able to bring your energy and A game to the job, not leave it on the road
You answer your own questions:
“gave me a pretty unhealthy mindset around money. I have a hard time spending on myself even when I know I can”
“I know I can technically afford it but I’m having a really hard time justifying it”
“But the tradeoff is my mental health, energy, and independence at 26. Living at home makes me regress to my high school angsty self and I don’t like that energy.”
I commuted dmv it’s soul sucking, just because it’s some people’s lifestyle and mindset doesn’t me it has you be your.
I didn’t read this as a finance question but asking reassurance in a decision for independence. You are 26 with no debt and $120K salary in HCOL but lifestyle rich area. Live life. At worst, you give it a shot at end of one year lease you can move back in with your parents but at least you tried.
Move. 3 hrs in a car will kill any motivation you have to actually work. That or find a job closer to where you already live.
Have you considered getting married? Living alone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in television. I had my own apartment and still felt like I was man-childing.
As a fellow brownie, please take heed and focus on getting married. Talk to your parents.
Don’t let distractions and artificial impediments like apartment leases or jobs from finding a partner to build a life with.
If you sign a lease now, you’ll subconsciously try to find someone who can accommodate your new place and that may prolong your search.
I’ve driven all over the states. Maryland traffic is probably a tiny bit better than NoVA but the traffic police pursuit and non-pursuit traps are on another level in Md. Be careful and use Waze.
Is saving 4x 10-15 hours of driving worth the $1500-2000 expense? It’s for you to decide.
Personally, if your parents are overbearing, move out. If not, stay home for the short term until you get more situated ( hopefully married!)
Maybe you can even get a hotel or car-camp once a week to break the commute.
Compromise and get a roommate in DC?
It’s really fun to live in DC in your 20s, even with roommates and even if you have to have to a car. You have a salary where you don’t have to feel you’re being wasteful with it. DO IT! This chance won’t come again. Do it!
Question… if you are working in a MD suburb… what will your commute from DC to said suburb look like? Would getting a place in that MD suburb area be cheaper (and still be able to take the metro or drive into DC to have fun with some of the money you save over the cost of living in DC?
You are in your 20s. Live life, go to DC, make friends, go to happy hour after work. It’s a great city. Get a studio- you’ll save hundreds of off a one bedroom.
I spent almost my entire 20s in the navy, working insane hours and commuting on top of that. If ever given the option, 1 hour of sleep in my own bed was always better than 5 hours of sleep on the ship. My point is, life is fuckin short. 20s are really meant to be spent enjoyed while being intelligently reckless. You have that opportunity. Take it.
Also, when getting out of the navy, I chose to pay off all my debt with my savings and live at home for a while. I love my parents but it was not chill. I had to constantly hound my mom to not touch my laundry or do things for me. Reverting back to that home mindset is not good for you. You will always feel like you owe them an explanation for what you do and that probably makes them feel like they owe you advice on those choices. Trust me, it’s not worth it. If you have a good relationship, you’re only a 1.5hr drive from visiting.
My only advice about money here is that you should always make sure you’re contributing to retirement. That is far more important than savings.
I would definitely move out.
I would personally probably aim to live with one or more roommates initially, but it sounds like you can afford a $2.1k apartment if you decide to.
Do make sure to take into account the costs of getting set up for your first apartment. You’ll need things like a bed, plates and cups, cleaning supplies… you’ll probably want some other furniture as well. Everything free groups are great! This is also one of the advantages of living with roommates first though… if the place needs a shower curtain, someone already bought it.
Good luck!
Is there a cheaper place near a train or maybe a 30 min drive?
I have been commuting 1 hour 15 minutes both ways for almost 4 years now, doing it 3-4 days a week.
I love my job, and I love where I live. But the one thing I hate the most if my commute. Hands down.
I have had to talk myself out of taking a less paying job that will cut my commute by half.
I have to gauge leaving work to get back home to family based on commute and traffic.
My therapist and I are working on many things, but one of the main points of stress in my life is…my commute.
In the next couple of months this will hopefully change, but trust me, a commute over 40 minutes is just not reasonable I feel. And I spend all of mine on the interstate so I am driving about 67 miles one way.
Soooo the biggest issue being in the DMV is the car and the drivers license. Moving to DC means either paying for parking and keeping your Maryland plates and insurance or getting a DC license, on street parking options and, of course, DC insurance rates.
120k living alone will go fast. Would really recommend living with someone else to help offset the rent as you’re probably thinking of living in one of the newer buildings in navy yard or waterfront (and being closest to 395/95).
Living anywhere around Dupont or U or NoMa—would be miserable driving each day out of the city. Can’t really imagine the misery of it. But — I’m sure some do it.
Live closer to work with a roommate or two