Hi, I need a little perspective here. My boyfriend’s sister has been complaining for years now about being ‘broke’. She is a student like I am but she has always gotten support from her parents for financing her overseas schooling in France this year, groceries, and rent.
Anyways, I found it a little frustrating and tried giving her advice. For example, she got her paycheque from work and said she was going to use it all to get waxed and get her nails done. So I recommended that she try a sugar wax from the drug store or buying shellac polish instead because it will help save money long term. She then proceeded to sound very annoyed and said “well, I don’t think I can do that”. Completely dismissing my advice and not appreciating my concern.
What frustrates me from a personal perspective is that I see being broke as not having the extra cash for luxurious expenses. Growing up, my parents earned very little as janitors because they didn’t know english very well. We often had to have a tight budget that didn’t allow for extracurriculars or luxury items. Same with me living on my own at a young age, and having to pay rent and buy food without my parents assistance. I had to use the food bank, and never went out to eat or get my nails done or do other luxury things.
I can’t help that it hits at a personal level. I also don’t want to be oh ‘woe is me’ because I am not trying to make this a competition. I understand there’s people poorer than I ever was, even though I was considered to be under the poverty line growing up. I also did charity work in impoverished areas back in my parent’s country and gained perspective that way.
Anyways, am I wrong for being upset? What do you think about people saying they’re broke a lot but not actually taking advice? Should I just ignore her or just tell her that I don’t want to hear it anymore? I am not sure.
She likes to complain about being broke but won’t actually take financial advice?
byu/AiRiverOl inFrugal
Posted by AiRiverOl
6 Comments
Sometimes people just want to vent (even if they’re not in the right) as opposed to asking for advice. Unsolicited advice is pretty annoying, even if it’s what the person needs. You should ask your friend what she actually wants from a conversation.
When you get older, you realize that a vast majority of people are complainers.
They are the first to bring up their negative thoughts and how life is so hard for them.
When you ask them, “so what have you done about your situation?” they are usually quick to tell you, “well, nothing”.
These types don’t want any advice, they just want other people to hear them and how their situation is so difficult.
My recommendation is to use the “damn that sucks” method and move on with your own life.
Stop giving advice.
My dad used to say he never gave advice because if you’re smart, you don’t need it and if you’re stupid, you won’t take it. Sounds like she’s just one of those people who like to complain but not actually do anything to remedy the situation. So next time she complains about being broke, you should probably say something like, “Wow. That’s too bad” and change the subject.
It doesn’t sound like she was asking for advice. So I would avoid giving unsolicited advice.
There are a couple people in my family like this. They generally don’t change. One guy inherited more money than our house was and blew it all. He still thinks if he gets the right job, that is the answer. But he’s been working entry level jobs for 15 years. And spending more than he earns that whole time. That’s hard to overcome