He refuses to heat his home anything above a slight warmth from the stove. He wears full winter layers in winter whether he’s inside or out, he never takes his coat or hat off even to sleep. He told me not to shower for more than 2 minutes and has expressed judgment when I had the fire going at 1.30pm when it’s 4 degrees outside. To stay warm he’ll sit in his poly tunnel, that’s fine but not sustainable throughout the day, especially when I have things to get on with. He uses maybe one log every 2 days for heat and has no central heating. I’m not sure he’s ever washed with soap, how could you with 2 minute, low pressure who shower?. I’m honestly not sure how he exists like this, he’s so hardy and doesn’t seem to need any creature comforts at all. Can people be frugal to their own detriment?
I don’t drive but cycle, I’m vegetarian and don’t take long haul flights. I shower for maybe 10-15 minutes a day and bath once a week. I’m mindful of food waste and recycle. I thought I was pretty good but he’s making me feel so guilty for wanting to be warm indoors or for wanting to shower long enough to actually get clean. Is a 10-15 minute shower so bad? Is lighting a fire (only source of heating) so bad when it’s 4 degrees outside?. I’m a thin woman and feel the cold.
I’m staying with the most frugal person I’ve ever met and he’s making me feel incredibly guilty. Please tell me I’m not being overly wasteful and I’m actually doing ok. Also, can people be too frugal?
byu/CrabbyGremlin inFrugal
Posted by CrabbyGremlin
36 Comments
You’re not staying with a frugal person, you’re staying with someone who has mental health issues.
Who is this caveman and where did you find him
Dude, he sounds unbearable and unreasonable. Frugal is one thing, but he seems like he’s actively choosing to be miserable and dragging you in with him.
The person you’re staying with is mentally unwell. How long were you planning on staying with them for? I assume this isn’t a relationship but just visiting?
I’m pretty sure there was a story where a guy was abusing his girlfriend like this
You can be frugal and still buy nice things.
Ok, he’s ridiculous. How long do you have to stay with them? Can you find alternate arrangements? I would be very, very unhappy staying with them.
Frugal and stingy are not the same thing. He sounds miserable. Like Scrooge at the beginning of the play.
“Staying with” as in AirBNB or as in live in romantic partner or just a roommate? Either way, he’s extreme cheapskate level frugal. And if that is your legal residence, you have a legal right to heat.
Being frugal is up to you. It’s as bad as you want it to be. Make a choice, find a compromise or say adios.
Maybe he doesn’t want you to stay.
Are you paying him to stay with him? If not, you’re still winning the frugal competition.
Obviously taking a 10 minute shower and using a heat source are not bad, this guy is off the deep end. I thought I was frugal keeping my thermostat set to 65!
If you offer to buy logs for the fire, will he let you use them? That honestly sounds so miserable, I hate being cold.
Sounds like someone I would not be able to remain close friends with, never mind share a home. Sounds like control issues, too. Sorry, sounds very unpleasant. Maybe some mental health issues there.
I’m wondering if he has any red flags 🚩
…Is he a bear? How did you meet this odd person?!
If you are able, why not offer to pay for more things that are your creature comforts. Pay for a heater. Pay for the water bill, power bill. There must be some driving factor that put you two together. You mention the centrifugal forces tearing you apart. Whats the gravity that keeps you together?
What do you mean “staying with.”
Cause “I used to stay” is what this post should say.
Please tell me he’s not a romantic interest of yours.
Is it a true matter of money? Is he living on a fixed income?
Did you offer to pay $100 towards wood, heating or water?
Sounds like he would have been happier being a monk in a very strict monastery.
Yes, you can overdo it. Unless his financial situation is truly dire, he’s boxed himself into a very uncomfortable corner and as a guest, you need to listen to his wishes but perhaps find alternative accommodation before you start to suffer from the cold,etc.
We’re reasonably frugal folks but hygiene and being warm enough to feel your fingers is important too,dammit.
Poly tunnel?
What is a poly tunnel?
I take it the house has no running water?
from your comments sounds like an old guy who was from the ‘rough it out and man up’ era and probably grew up poor. since he is doing you a favour I am guessing with accommodation in between homes your best bet is suck it up for now 🙁 and find incentive to move out quick
Humans have evolved too damn far to not enjoy comfort.
There is Difference between frugal and cheapskate.
Being frugal is not the same as being cheap. This person is cheap and maybe be saving some money but causing huge costs elsewhere with this behavior. Houses need good heating to avoid mold growth and other problems.
He’s probably going to kill himself one day by overtaxing his body to maintain body heat. Also, if you suspect no soap and he’s constantly wearing full winter clothes I wonder if he has sores or skin issues, does he even wash his clothes fully? This man has mental issues and even if he is denying up and down about it, this is not right for you to go through either.
He honestly sounds like the guy who almost figured out the good/bad points system from the show The Good Place. Living this frugal is not healthy nor is it actually frugal if misery is all that you get out of it.
Also I am reminded of people who are on the survival show Alone who are obsessed with getting fish and meat and smoking it to save up for the upcoming winter, yet they don’t eat enough or use enough firewood as they do this, so they lose a ton of body mass and their body deteriorates and they have to be pulled out of the competition. For accidentally starving themselves when they have all this food around them.
I would not consider that level to be anything to aspire towards. That’s absolute bonkers and taking it way to far.
On the other side, showering 10 or 15 min seems really long to me. I wouldn’t know what to do after 5 and leave bored.
He is in danger of freezing his pipes and damaging his home to save a dollar.
I like the Beth dutton quote I heard the other day. Life isnt a longevity contest, its a quality contest, and your roommate has decided to have the worst quality of life ever and for what? It doesnt sound like there’s any particular goal or reason for being such a tight wad besides being able to judge you.
You’re not wasteful, you’re normal. But you’re not going to change his mind, so practically speaking, I’d just try to find work arounds for the brief time you’re there. If you have access to a shower elsewhere (gym? Friend?) that helps, and eating things that are meant to be cold/room temperature will also help. As for temperature, all I can think of is just limiting your time in that house. Coffee shops are warmer than that. Hell, grocery stores are warmer! Is there a mall close? Do you have friends nearby, even if you can’t sleep there? Where do you work? Do they have a break room that’s tolerable? Hopefully this is VERY brief, these ideas wouldn’t work long term. If you treat the place like a cheap motel and only use it for the bare essentials, like sleep, spending the rest of your time in places that are more hospitable, that might please both of you better. But yeah, you’re normal, no worries.
This is not mental wellness. I appreciate frugality but unless he’s saving for a life-saving kidney transplant, this is going pretty far beyond what’s normal. I keep my house at 62 in the winter and people think I’m insane.
I would reevaluate your living situation. It seems he is not able to adjust to a cohabitant, and that is not someone who has been properly socialized and will never be. Or someone who is actually so poor he is on the verge of homelessness. You have to figure out what the situation is, and react accordingly. Are you both about to get evicted? In winter?
Your grandfather?
There was a time when being that frugal could mean the difference between life and death. In some places, it still is.
What matters is one’s reason for being frugal and how someone wants to achieve that.
Now I am making up an elderly man who only has a much too small pension, doesn’t want to rely on family, and doesn’t want to pack groceries at the age of 85. Then I get frugality that extreme.
If he has 2 million in savings, is obsessed with frugality and never spend any of the money, and it all randomly goes to his great nephew when he dies, then it is probably too extreme.
You have a different life. You can’t do the tasks you need to do when you feel too cold. You need to work so you can’t sit in a poly tunnel all day. You need to be fairly clean for the life you have.
So his type of frugality doesn’t work for you.
*And that is ok.*
One of my many reasons for being frugal is to be able to comfortably afford to keep my home warm. I get easily cold too, and I don’t want to spend my life being miserable.
too beautiful, too rich, too loved, too frugal… could argue it but, specific cases only. be your own captain. all i know is for me, it evolved past “saving” and became a lifestyle. “too” is the wrong view IMHO, find that point that has value and is still enjoyable. #1 of being frugal is: everything has it’s “costs.” if being fugal interferes with other goals or joy… yeah “too.” FWIW it’s now my hobby/passion, and none the worse for it… pays dividends, joy sorting, joy using/consuming, and joy just knowing I DO IT ;-p
This guy sounds like he recently escaped the gulags. Do you ever hear him walk around the supermarket exclaiming, “I love this country?”.
This guy sucks. Imagine being that miserable in life with the thought of saving money.