My wife and I have hit our FI number in our early 30s. Theoretically, this is the dream. I don't hate my job, but I feel indifferent toward it. I know my time could be better spent, but I’m hesitating to pull the plug for one major reason: Loneliness.
We are transplants in the Seattle area, and building a community here has been a struggle. We have hobbies we love—skiing, mountain biking, travel—but those activities feel hollow without a crew to share them with.Even with a supportive spouse, the lack of a broader social circle is weighing on us.
I am worried that if I quit my job, I lose my last bit of forced structure and human interaction.
Has anyone here successfully built a tight-knit community in their 30s/40s after retiring or shifting to part-time work? Did you have to move to find it? I’m looking for a roadmap on how to replace the structure of work with something that provides genuine connection and direction.
We have the money to retire, but we don't have the "Tribe." Scared to quit my job because it's my only social structure.
byu/dust_e1 infinancialindependence
Posted by dust_e1
10 Comments
Try using meetup website. Lots of hobby groups.
I’ve made a lot more friends after retiring. A lot of making friends is just showing up to something consistently so people recognize you and get to know you. That, and not having to turn down invitations due to work commitments.
You just have to make it your priority. List out your favorite activities and seek out people who also enjoy them. We make friends simply by being around the same people repeatedly.
Also just ask. “Hey I’ve been here a while but haven’t met very many people, do you know anyone with some of my interests?”
There are a lot of meetup groups you just have to really focus on it. It’s hard to make friends and even harder as we get older. Without making it a priority though it’ll never happen
Get a part time job with an airline or hotel for travel benefits! 🙂
I’ll be your Doug
Why stay in expensive Seattle if you’re not tied to a job and don’t have a community there?
Try a mountain town where it’s easier to meet people and more of a work to live mentality, rather than live to work. Or move abroad to a place with lots of early retirees.
I’m having a similar problem in the Boston area, though I’m roughly two years from retirement. Come move to the east coast and hang out over here!
it’s seriously hard to build a tight community after 30 no matter what you do, but I have made some good friends after that age. I have never made a good friend at work, just acquaintances that I can sometimes do things with. I had much better results in college (and most of my existing friends are people I met there, or through those folks). To the extent I do all right now, it’s usually related to my hobbies, sports, games, music etc. But it still takes a lot longer for people to go from acquaintance to friend than it did when I was younger.
Well if your hobby is work then you can send me the excess money you dont need!
In my experience, Seattle is a fairly insular and not social place. People socialize with their families and are slow to make new friends.
I would say, retire, and move to a “fun” town.