I’m 30 and am battling an aggressive cancer. The doctors say if the medicine works I’ll have 1-2 years. I won’t know if it’s working for another month. Currently I have my vehicle 27k, savings 10k, checking 2k, and about 30k in retirement. We share the mortgage and owe around 140k. I am working on getting a 50k life insurance policy, but remain uncertain because the timing of my diagnosis. Wife has always been bad with money, so I’ve insisted we keep finances separate. I’ve shelled out thousands to bail her from card debt multiple times in the 10 years we’ve been together. Currently she has 20k in student loans and around 8k in card debt. If I heavily downgraded my vehicle or we went to one car, (hers, not included in numbers above) then we’d continue to make it work until I turn to mush. I could use that money and my savings to clear all her stupid debt before I go. The negative is that I would be leaving us vulnerable to unforeseen financial hiccups. I appreciate any advice on which direction to go, pay off her debt or keep the larger financial safety net?
I am currently fighting cancer, do I spend most of my savings to help get my wife lower her debt?
byu/maleko_ inpersonalfinance
Posted by maleko_
17 Comments
It’s a tough pill to swallow – but even if you pay off her debt before you go, she will end up in debt again. Bailouts do not teach people how to prevent getting in debt again.
If I were in your shoes, I would focus on using money to live life to the fullest in the next 2 years. Take trips, do things you’ve always wanted to do. Make memories with your wife that will last with her.
Because regardless, she is going to end up in credit card debt again.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Does she want to change her habits? Because bailing her out just to have her punch another hole in the proverbial boat doesn’t help anyone.
I would maintain the safety net and focus on helping her build the skills she needs to get by without you. Don’t enable bad patterns but show her how to do better. *If* she’s willing to learn.
Man this is rough, sorry you’re dealing with all this. Honestly I’d keep the safety net – medical bills can get absolutely insane and you never know what’s coming. Her debt isn’t going anywhere but emergencies will clean you out fast. Maybe compromise and pay off just the high interest credit cards but keep the rest as your emergency fund
What an incredible husband you are.
What about a deposit on a property? Something concrete.
I would travel and make happy memories with her.
Then if you have some left look at an annuity that pays out over time. She
Personally, I’d consider getting a divorce and transferring all your assets to her in the process so any medical debt you rack up isn’t her responsibility in the end. That being said, I would also make sure you are confident about your prognosis before doing something that drastic. It’s sometimes shocking to see how different doctors will choose to present very similar diagnoses to patients.
Debtors anonymous has a sister program you might want to check out. Focus on you for now.
If I were in your shoes, the only thing I would try to pay off is the house. You can’t control her spending, but at least you can take steps to secure housing.
Though, I agree with others that you should travel and live your best life.
If possible, invest in positive memories your wife can hold on to after you are gone and don’t worry about the money so much because there is just not that much scope for you to do much for her with what you have.
And the medical bills will probably take a lot from you, too.
Best wishes. I have lost people close to me to cancer.
What would you get if you sold the house?
Agree with others, spend your time and funds living your best life with your wife. If you’re up for it, spend some time (and money) getting your wife into therapy. She keeps falling back into debt and shopping addiction or financial literacy aren’t the only reasons – there may be other factors and getting to the root of that flip a switch for her. If she’s in denial and refuses, ask her to do it for you.
My past landlords wife had inoperable cancer and had 6 months to live.
That was ten years ago. If you saw her today, you wouldnt even know she had cancer.
If U clear her debt she will just get more in debt. Ur already leaving the world soon and it’s best to enjoy it the most you can. Spend time together on holidays or pamper yourself. Clearing her debt does nothing for both of you.
I’m going to be the asshole. NO. Spend what you have to to fight your ass off and don’t pay down her debt at all. In the event you crap out and, sadly, don’t make it, then she can pay her own stupidity off.
If you’re that pessimistic about it, you could always divorce NOW. You don’t have to split assets necessarily, but it would prevent her from being liable for your post-D debt at the end, should it come to that. Can give her posthumous power of attorney.
I’ll tell you something I learned a long time ago, too, doctors ALWAYS tell you the 100% worst thing possible because they don’t want to get sued if they are wrong. Source: me, paraplegic, 37 years. They are full of shit most of the time. 🙂 Best of luck, sir.
As morbid as this sounds…do you have your funeral and cemetary expenses planned out? My dad left me holding the bag for this to the tune of over $20k in March.
Do you own your home? If you do, you should be clearing as much of the unsecured debt as possible, because unpaid debt you leave behind will impact probate of the estate.
I guess if you don’t want to entangle your wife with medical debt, you can file for a “medical divorce”?