Post-divorce, I have attempted home ownership three times, and while the decisions seemed right in the moment, in retrospect, they feel like missteps.
– I did a cash-out refinance on 1960s marital home, but maintenance and repairs were too expensive/overwhelming.
– I bought a 20-year-old townhome, which ended up needing HVAC, AC, and water heater replaced in the first six months, followed by HOA special assessment for new roof. Not having enough natural light and a yard for kids was also tough.
– I bought a new construction single-family home, but the payment is now $500 more a month than it was at closing due to increases in taxes and HOA. Half of my take-home income (FT job plus side hustle) goes to mortgage/HOA payments. I'm worried this is unsustainable once the home starts needing repairs, given my other expenses as a single parent.
Do I:
– Try to stay put, even though I am living paycheck-to-paycheck?
– Sell (currently buyer's market in my state) and try to buy something with a lower monthly payment (i.e., probably looking at an older townhome again)?
– Sell and give up on home ownership and rent? (Why does renting feel like a failure?)
No need to chastise me for my real estate mistakes. I've already beaten myself up enough.
Real estate missteps: Should I give up on trying to be a homeowner?
byu/misfitmpls inRealEstate
Posted by misfitmpls
9 Comments
I would own a home that fit my lifestyle. Question is do you really need a single family or can you own a newer condo that requires no maintenance outside a monthly hoa?
These are all expected things that happen in home ownership, so to me it sounds like you shouldn’t own a home.
Are the schools very important? Its hard to just say move if your kids are safe and happy currently. I struggled and stayed but there are advantages either way complicated decision.
If you are in a buyers market, you will potentially lose money on the sale of this home. Additionally, interest rates are somewhere around 6.2% right now. If you factor in what it’s going to cost to sell your home, any losses and a higher interest rate on the next one, you might be better off finding that $500 a month, if possible. Have you looked into local rents? What is your home worth vs what you paid? What is your current interest rate?
Stay put. Get your income up!
If you can hold on 2-3 years and get a raise or two maybe you can keep the current place.
Good luck!
A lot of what you’re describing isn’t bad judgment… it’s exposure to risk showing up at the wrong time. It’s just getting unlucky at the wrong times. It’s much harder owning and maintaining a home as a single person so you have to be kind to yourself. Not a lot of people can handle all that.
Housing outcomes depend heavily on timing, randomness, and things you can’t control… repair cycles, tax reassessments, HOA decisions, interest rates.
I’ve been in this business for a long enough time to see two people can make the same choice and end up in completely different places just because one gets hit with problems early or with multiple headaches at once and the other doesn’t.
Renting is not quitting imo.. it’s choosing a setup where surprises are more capped and recovery is possible. You may have to move again because they may increase the rent in a year or so and that is of course a risk with renting, but you can control cash flow better in the short term. But you have to fully think all this through.
.. there’s the theory and there’s the real world.
People often underestimate how expensive moving really is, even if it’s just a few miles away. It’s not just rent .. it’s deposits, other costs like cleaning, movers, time off work, utility hookups, furniture that doesn’t fit, small fixes, and a dozen little expenses that add up fast. On paper, a move can look smart, but in real life the costs are real and immediate. Good decisions aren’t just theoretical … they have to work in practice, with cash, time, and energy all accounted for.
A lot of YouTube buffoons make it all sound easy.. just move every year to chase the cheapest rent and dump the savings into index funds, and somehow you’ll be a multimillionaire in no time. That advice ignores real life. Moving is quite expensive, disruptive, and mentally exhausting, esp w/ kids ..and most people don’t have perfect flexibility or unlimited energy. Optimization on a spreadsheet isn’t the same as optimization in the real world. Stability, time, and sanity have value too..
I’m not sure what the right move is because the facts are quite limited, but please think all of it through carefully.
Selling a home just to buy another one with a lower payment doesn’t always make sense either. It’s not like downgrading a car or something like that.
Once you factor in commissions, closing costs, moving expenses, taxes, and all the friction in between, the savings can disappear quickly.
On top of that, you may end up in an inferior house … worse location, more maintenance, or new hidden issues (the devil you know is better than the one you don’t). In many cases, people focus on the lower monthly number and miss the bigger picture completely … and losing more in the process than they gain.
Get roommates.
Seems like you have had a series of “the grass is greener on the other side” combined with getting sucked into expenses that may not have been as urgent as you thought.
Every time you move, you’re spending $20K easy. Between closing costs, moving, re-setting a new home and selling fees, it’s an expensive proposition.
I would stay put, keep your eye on interest rates and if they ever come down more than a point from where you’re at, you can get a lower monthly payment.
In the meantime, stay frugal, make sure you work towards a raise. Make sure your side hustle is not costing more than you make.
And when you have emergency items go out, shop around. Get a couple of space heaters if you’re in the winter and get several quotes for that HVAC, see if someone is willing to do a 1-3 year repair instead.
Major companies will come and quote you for full replacement without even looking at the equipment. Repairs that can be $300-500 and last you 5 years. These guys will quote you a $7K replacement with a 50% off if you do it today -for a water heater that even a full replacement shouldn’t cost more than $2K.
So…slow down, don’t panic. Don’t assume other options are just better. Homeownership works well after the 3-5 year mark. The first few years are the most expensive.
Fix the small repairs, keep interior and exterior clean, take a couple of days a year to repair things yourself. As much as you can. Enjoy your house and your kids.