I currently work for the state making 50k a year. I was recently offered a job for $75k with a potential for bonuses. The only thing is they want me to start up a location 1.5 hours away. Housing isn’t an issue because my parents live in that city and I can stay there.
I would love to jump at this but I am married and have three kids. They are older and mostly self-sufficient. The youngest is 14. Part of me is like it is only 1.5 hours away I can drive home for weekends and if I am really missing them and my husband I drive down for the night. I feel like I only have a few more years with them in the house and I will loose out on that time with them. But then I think other people commute and travel for work so this is kind of the same thing.
My husband would prefer me staying in town but knows I am not happy at my current job so said it’s up to me either way and he would support my decision.
I do have a lot of debt, most of it student loans. Also if I take it I would need a new (to me) car as the one I drive currently is the newest and biggest to cart the kids around. My other cars are just for traveling around town for work currently and we are giving them to the two oldest to drive themselves around and help with drop off and pick up for the youngest.
I’m kind of all over the place.
Thoughts?
Should I move for an extra 25k
byu/Mysterious-Beauty inpersonalfinance
Posted by Mysterious-Beauty
21 Comments
You’d effectively be living “long distance” for the foreseeable future? If this was a short term contract or something I’d jump at it. But with the family considerations it’s hard. Where’s the end? When would you move back in with your husband? 25K a year is a lot though, but not living together is rough.
You can always make more money. You can never re-spend time with your 14 year old.
Do you qualify for PSLF because you work for the government? I had like 50k in SL forgiven because of PSLF
I would take a $25k pay cut in order to not have a 3 hour commute and to spend more time with family. Actually, I did just that back in 2019.
Also if you spend $25k on a car, your first year of commuting is all downside (other than getting out of your current job you dislike).
Can you find a local job that pays similar but would make you happier (I’m not sure what about your current job makes you unhappy)?
Here are the questions id have in that situation
Id start by figuring out how much is my debt and add it to the cost of a reliable car. Divide that by the salary increase and see how many years it will take to break even.
Could i drive my car to parents house and use that while staying there, then is there alternate means to get home on weekends like bus or train? That will save on car payments and make this more financiallt worthwild in short term
Can you pay down your debt on current salary?
Will the job put you in a higher position and salary for years to come? I.e. do this for 2 years then look for a similar job closer to home?
Based upon them offering you the job they clearly like you. Can you ask for a flex schedule of some sort? Maybe 4 days in the office 10 hr days? Or 1 or 2 telework days?
Is your 14 year old stable and mature or in trouble often or needs that extra parental guidance?
Hope these questions help you think through whats best for your family
Also if I promote with the state it is only an extra like $8k a year and a lot more work. I am already burned out doing the job that I do and don’t see me ever wanting to do the supervisor position.
This seems like a terrible idea unless you are drowning in debt. Your husband is going to stay in the house you currently live in? Or is the eventual plan to move everything? Does he work?
1.5 hours is the average commute in California.
Most people that stay within the state job is for healthcare and pension. Is a 25K increase worth more than the two? It’s never so much after the pay. What state are you in? I heard working for CA state is the best lol
25k is not that big of a bump, but 50% is. How much does your husband make right now and is he willing to relocate?
A 50%+ raise is quite nice. Only you can decide if it’s worth it or not.
I’ve worked at jobs that were 1.5 hours from home. Commuting wasn’t all that bad once I got used to it. And I’ve always been an early riser.
Move. Shake things up. But don’t forget jobs are not stable. Your new job is merely a trigger to shake things up and not a mechanism for stability.
1.5 hours is not far away at all. You can definitely go back home on weekends
I am confused? Why do you need to move to accomplish this? Maybe I’m just used to the commute but I have many friends and family who commute an hour or more every day. It’s not necessarily easy, but if you are confident you can have things up and running in a year or so maybe just make plans to stay with your parents a few nights a week and then be home with your kiddo/spouse and make sure to pick a few days a month that are for your relationship development and quality time? I think it would be worth it if you could get out of debt!
It seems if you have to purchase a car, it will be a while before you make much money.
I wouldn’t be comfortable being a weekend mom to a 14 year old.
I would dig deep into your current benefits and fully understand them before making a decision. Do you qualify for any loan forgiveness. Are you part of ASRS. Most often people stay with government jobs for the retirement benefits.
Staying with your parents might be old long term for one or both parties.
Is midpoint between the new job and your husbands job somewhere you would want to live once the kids finish school?
I moved 4 hours away from my family to work. My daughter was 11. She has done fine. Then again I have an awesome spouse. I had to move, there was no logical alternative. I’m so glad I did.
As a former traveling sales VP who took a promotion for the money along with the responsibility of weekly travel, I can offer my opinion. The money is great, but it also is something that normalizes rather quickly. However, if you’re unhappy in your current job, and this is something that will make you happier, sounds like it would be a great decision. You take the money out of it. If the job will make you happier, perhaps the work life balance question becomes easier to negotiate.
What kind of commute are you talking about. Is it highway at highway speed. What is your weather like tear round. Do you know what they want you to do in this new location. Like setting up an office.
Good luck. You can’t know for sure if it’s something you can do until you try. You are lucky you have a place to stay close by and don’t need to do something like hotels or apartment rental. (It’s worth its weight in gold if you can choose to stay in town for bad weather or if you missed sleep or are under the weather.). It sounds like even if you discover it’s not for you it won’t result in a crash and burn out.
I will say that it won’t be easy but if the job gives more professional satisfaction or self development and it gets you to retirement or financial freedom more quickly, it can be worth it.
While it’s true being away from family can be tough, a few days a week are not as tough as some make it seem. Voice and video calls, virtual hangouts and all sorts of tech make staying ‘remote but close’ easier. It depends on your personality and how much you just need to be in the same room everyday. I’m willing to bet you don’t see your older kids every day even at home, but it may be different with husband. (And he may discover that regardless how well it works out he might not tolerate you being gone as much as he thought he would.)
I went through much of the same anxieties in a very similar situation and it ended up being very good, but I won’t pretend it’ll be easy. if you’re comfortable driving long distances and have good sleep habits it can work, but it takes dedication.
I would ask if the new job was open to flex work arrangements, work-from-home, etc. Even one day remote per week would take some bite out of that long commute.
It’s hard to quantify, but the added travel time does have an opportunity cost. A 1.5 hour *daily* commute (3 hours round-trip) would be a nonstarter for me- that would effectively be an 11-hour workday!
That said, a 50% pay increase is significant. $50k/yr doesn’t go very far in 2025, when considering recent inflation.
I would try to avoid buying another car if possible. 3 cars is already a lot of maintenance and upkeep; buying a 4th (even used) is going to negate your first year of extra earnings. Can the siblings share a vehicle?