I’m 16 in the US, I live with my mom only.
We don’t make that much (40-50k/y comes in), but I feel her financial decisions only make things worse for us.
She has 60k in a mix of student loan, credit card, and other debt (had ~160k but 100k of it which was student loans, was forgiven), heavily struggles to pay bills every month, needs to constantly borrow 1-3k a month from her parents just to survive, and we’re on food stamps.
…yet she orders around $400 a month of doordash, $300 a month of supplements and like $300-500 more than what we should spend on groceries a month, just to name a few examples.
She has $300 in risky stocks as her only savings, no retirement fund, and hasn’t had a job for 3-5 years
The only way we’re staying afloat at all (main income source) is a few thousand a month from my other parent's disability checks (iirc ~$2000 a month for all of it, and she gives a few hundred back to them) acting as child support. It’s a complicated situation and i don’t know if its entirely legal so it could technically go away at any time
Our other main source of income is her borrowing money from her elderly parents
Other than that we don’t have much else income
We don’t have a car, so we have to get groceries delivered but due to not so smart grocery spending we make a lot of separate orders every month that I know we spend more than we need to on. She also likes to get the healthy expensive versions of products (for example she gets the grass raised, or whatever they’re called, eggs for double the cost instead of normal eggs)
Most of the time I try to help her, she just says something like “well this is how I prefer it. Stop trying to be in my finances”. I do feel as if I’m being a bit pushy with how I give her advice though
However, I’ve been able to make a little progress with her by convincing her to save for the first time a few weeks ago, but she put it all in risky stocks and refuses to change to at least a normal savings account…
I’m just wondering how i can help her w/ smarter spending, cuz I think we could go from barely getting by to actually being comfortable if we just spend smarter. However I’m concerned I’d be too controlling if i help and try to look over the finances if that makes sense.
Or should I move out as soon as possible?
Or am I blowing this out of proportion?
Apologies if this is the wrong subreddit. I just need some advice
Mom is 60k in debt, can’t pay bills and relies on her parents yet spends $400 a month on Doordash. How can I help her?
byu/Prestigious-Band3633 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Prestigious-Band3633
15 Comments
It doesn’t sound like you can help her. She doesn’t think she has a problem. I would just try to move out as soon as possible.
Many community colleges has cheap/free classes on home finance/budgeting. She should look into one of those.
You can’t help her. She’s financially irresponsible and you can’t help someone who thinks it’s appropriate to spend that much on Doordash when they have already accumulated so much debt. My advice to you is that you do not allow her to use your name/credit for anything. Move out as soon as you can afford it.
Good luck kid. It took me a long time to realize that I cant save everyone in my family, only myself. Most people don’t learn until they truly crash and burn so that they can see where their mistakes led them. The best thing you can do for her is to focus on school, get a good career and always be able to care for yourself. Again, good luck.
It is difficult to help someone who doesn’t want help. And it’s also difficult for a child to get their parent to change their behavior. I would wait for a moment when your mom is expressing frustration with the finances and then offer to review expenses with her. She had to realize for herself that there is a problem, if she doesn’t any solution you offer will be rejected.
Your grandparents aren’t subsidizing your mother’s bills. They’re subsidizing an extravagant list of bad spending habits.
You can’t fix this. Savings won’t grow while credit card bills keep tacking on interest.
None of this is your fault.
You can’t force someone to spend intelligently, nor should you have to as a 16 year old. But based on what you said, this isn’t a move out as soon as you can situation either (that’s more of a “it’s unsafe” thing than a “they’re not great with money” thing.)
What you should do, for you, is plan and prepare for your future. Are you going to go to college? Where, to study what? What can you do to increase the likelihood of scholarships? Are you learning how to drive? Can you get a part time job (without interfering with school) to save for your own car?
Of course, if your mom will spend better, that’s great. But whether she will or not, use this time to set up your own future.
Good for you for being more mature than your parent. I’m sorry you don’t have better role models
Parents try hard to help their kids make good decisions and constantly find out that other people have to live their own lives.
With a child trying to help their parent, it’s an even worse situation. All I can think of is to offer to cook meals, so when she is tired she doesn’t have to door dash, because you are already planning on making something.
The number 1 main thing though, at 16, is to recognize that your decisions in life have consequences. Think and plan ahead, make good decisions to get a good career, save and invest to not be desperate and to one day have a decent retirement. Learn from the mistakes of others so you don’t repeat them and end up in the same situation. Sadly, it’s often about all we can do.
i know that situation. You cannot help her. People like this need to fall down first before it gets better.
At age 16, there’s nothing you can do unless you can convince your mom to change her ways.
It doesn’t appear that she wants to change.
Sadly, your getting a first hand experience in how not to adult. Use the next two years to put yourself in a better position to leave, to make your own path and future. Find a way to keep your personal documents safe and any income you’ll eventually make out of her hands.
Look up Caleb Hammer on YouTube and watch together. He calls out a lot of the poor behaviours your mom is exhibiting. Perhaps it’ll strike a chord. Even better if you can dig up an older video where he audits someone older and closer to your moms age
You’re in my exact situation except you’re so young and I’m in my 40s.
I have an ex making 2k (2.7k with his GFs combined income). They’ve been struggling with making it work, but spending $400 a month on restaurants and door dash.
I’m in the process of becoming a payee to manage his social security, and helping him pay his bills, giving him what’s leftover.
If you were in your 30s-40s I’d recommend getting a power of attorney and setting up a payee account to manage her finances.
But my dear- you are 16. This is not your responsibility and certainly not your fault. There is nothing you can do that will change her behavior. She already knows that it isn’t sustainable. She doesn’t lack knowledge, she simply can’t execute what she needs to to do change it.
However YOU have power to change your circumstances. You can start by saving money away from anything she controls. Start looking at training and volunteer opportunities. Start thinking about education after high school.
For example I have a kid in our local fire cadets. He’s 15 and there paying for his EMT certification. Look into what you want to do after high school, what your best life looks like. Make an action plan to make that happen.
No, you don’t have to move out immediately, after all, you’re a minor and it’s tough out there. But do not give her any money as long as she’s living this lifestyle. Move out as soon as you are able after graduation, because she will drain your finances and your spirit.
I know you love your mother. The best thing you can do for her is to let her face the consequence of her own choices. But please start planning now for a better life for yourself. ❤️
Don’t know how you can help someone this foolish. Sounds like there’s no plan for your college either.