Hello!
I 21f am looking to gain financial independence from my parents. I currently work part time while attending college, and my paycheck deposits directly to my parent's bank account. I have tried to talk with my parents but they just do not understand why I would want to be in charge of my own money, I have been thinking about opening a separate bank account without telling my parents. If I open a bank account (maybe at the bank on campus?), is there a way my parents will find out? I should mention that my parents do my taxes.
I think there is a way to get a portion of my paycheck to go to separate bank accounts, so I plan to have a significant amount still going to my parents account while some goes to my own. I want to move out after college, but it will not go over well. I want to make sure I have some safety in case something happens. I have also been thinking about getting a credit card, is this a good idea? Will my parents be able to tell if I have a credit card?
Any advise would be greatly appreciated
Hidden bank account from parents
byu/Thick-Childhood-5148 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Thick-Childhood-5148
29 Comments
you are an adult so you can just go to a bank and open your own account. maybe go to one that is different than the current account just to be safe.
Go to a different bank. Open an account. Deposit your money. You do not need your parent’s permission.
Go to a different bank and open an account. Talk to your employer and have your paycheck changed to be deposited in your new account. Why would you need to split it?
>I have tried to talk with my parents but they just do not understand why I would want to be in charge of my own money, I have been thinking about opening a separate bank account without telling my parents.
You are a legal adult, so you are fully entitled to open bank accounts and manage your own finances.
>If I open a bank account (maybe at the bank on campus?), is there a way my parents will find out?
Presumably when you switch your direct deposit from their account to yours, yeah.
>I should mention that my parents do my taxes.
You’ll get a 1099-INT from your new bank declaring how much interest you were paid during the year. You can provide this form to your parents.
>I plan to have a significant amount still going to my parents account while some goes to my own.
Seems like an unnecessary half measure.
>I want to move out after college, but it will not go over well.
Why? Do your parents expect you to keep living with them forever?
>I have also been thinking about getting a credit card, is this a good idea?
Yes, getting a credit card and using it responsibly is a good way to establish credit history. Read this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/creditcards
>Will my parents be able to tell if I have a credit card?
Only if they have access to your credit report.
>Any advise would be greatly appreciated
Have a candid conversation with your parents and realize that you are a legal adult and are entitled to make your own decisions with your finances.
One of the first things my parents did when I turn 18 was take me to create my own bank account.
Just create your bank account and credit card, but use it wisely.
Why do you deposit your money into their account? Have you demonstrated that you are bad with your money?
I’m not saying it’s right, and you are an adult and should have 100% say in your money but if you have shown that you are reckless in spending then maybe they are trying to make sure that you don’t overspend.
1. Open your own account
2. Move you money into your new account. Why is your direct deposit going to there’s, it’s your money.
3. If you owe them something monthly, pay them accordingly
4. Do your own taxes, your an adult
5. You can get a CC but I wouldn’t advise it. I would wait a year or two till you have a firm grip on managing your own money.
You can get your own accounts since you’re now an adult, and you can direct part or all of your paychecks into it, but your parents may quickly suspect that something is up if they monitor the deposits and see that yours are gone or less than usual.
So, I would probably brace for having this conversation with them sooner than later, and see that you can get your money from their accounts. That will be tough, in both senses: if you’re not listed as an authorized user (that may not be the precise term, but essentially someone who can withdraw), then you’ll have to chat with your parents.
Just go open an account and change the direct deposit
Open your own account and do your own taxes. It’s very simple. This kind of non agency over your life blows my mind but it isn’t your fault, you probably have overbearing parents. Update your direct deposit to the new account immediately.
They understand why.
Are there fiscal concerns that have caused you to place your parents wishes ahead of your own maturation?
Are you dependent on them for shelter, food, healthcare, tuition, other? And that is why you avoid actions that would irritate them? Are they petty enough to remove financial support if you act like an adult?
As others have noted, you are fully entitled to establish your own financial life. You will need to eventually, and starting out while you still have some safe harbor support from parents (presumed) reduces the risk to you.
And filing your own taxes is unlikely to have adverse consequences for you, though your parents may lose a few deductions (dependent, tuition, etc).
Good luck.
ETA: If you are of a “traditional culture”, your parents may fear the potential consequences of your independence. That complicates the parent-child relationship, but does not change any other aspect of establishing your independence.
You can do split pay. Deposit a percentage into your parents account and the rest into your own. Maybe consider doing something on the side so you can fund your own account quicker
As a parent of grown sons, I will tell you that your parents are controlling and ridiculous.
If they insist, get cash back at grocery stores and can save that money in a different account
Just open a bank account and deposit “your” money into your account and tell them you need to learn how to manage money without restraints. They definitely need to allow you to grow up and learn how to manage money. They will get over it
Not sure why you ever had money going straight to your parents account? Do you support them. Change your info through your work to deposit into your own account. This is wrong of your parents and really not very smart on your side.
I see major red flags from your parents. I know folks whose parents stole their identity to open up lines of credit in childrens’ names that ruined their credit history. RUN as fast as you can to completely separate yourself finances from those of your parents. Also consider putting a credit lock on yourself with all three credit agencies (Experian, Equifax & TransUnion) so nobody can take out credit without your permission. You are an ADULT. You do not need your parents’ permission to do anything with your money or credit. Also, start doing your own taxes. It’s not that hard especially at your age. And no, your parents cannot and will not find out unless you tell them all this.
There are things you’re not telling us- are there cultural expectations as well? Do you live in the states or another country? Are you the oldest? Why work if you’re in college? I’d focus on school and then get a job with the degree.
Get the whole paycheck into your own bank account. You need more of a safety net if you’re going to finish school and move out. At 21, if you are a traditional student, you’ll be done with college soon and independence will hit you sooner than you think. Don’t sabotage yourself.
Get your billing statements sent to a non-parent address.
You’re an adult. Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
You can just go to a bank and setup accounts and you can sign up for CCs without them knowing about it, yes.
They can find out by looking through your stuff, which feels like something they would do considering what you have been describing here.
Becoming independent is something your parents should be trying to help you do. They should be actively trying to help you leave the nest, not trying to keep you in it. They need to learn this.
I would say it’s better to try to get them onboard with this than to just try and do everything behind their backs.
In that regard, I would try to make allies that can mediate. Try getting them to go to a therapist with you to talk about this with a 3rd party that is good at mediating conflicts.
Successfully mediating this thing would be the best possible outcome, then you get to keep all your money etc and you don’t have to be underhanded about everything and risk whatever wrath would come out of that going sideways.
Yes, you can typically have part of a paycheck go to one account and part to another. If I were you I’d have as much as possible go to your own account without raising suspicion (I realize your parents will probably ask questions if the whole paycheck stops being deposited and if you need to avoid those questions for now, I get it).
You can open a new account by yourself. I’d recommend doing so at a different institution than wherever you or your parents bank.
Conventional wisdom is to go to a different bank if you think your parents will try to get access; apparently it is possible that they could social-engineer their way into getting access to your new account if it is at the same bank where you already share an account (“please Mr./Mrs. Banker my child has been acting up and I’m worried and trying to protect them QQ”).
You are an adult, you don’t need their permission for anything, and the only way they can find out what you have going on is if related mail gets sent to you at their home address. You can make sure to go paperless with new accounts, or rent a PO Box to have a separate mailing address if you think that is necessary.
Open the account then go to your work’s HR person (or whoever does payroll paperwork) and have them switch the direct deposit to the new account.
Unless you have a reason that you need the support to manage your finances, it’s completely normal to be independent financially by 21. If you need help for some reason AND you trust them, being transparent will help them have a full picture to better understand how you support you.
As an adult you can legally open your own bank acct and get a credit card. You can split your direct deposit between 2 bank accts.
At some point your parents will find out about this. You need to address family dynamics and get this resolved soon. Don’t wait for them to find out accidentally. You are not doing anything wrong by opening your own acct.
Setup a PO Box and then a new bank account in only your own name. Get the direct deposit to your own account. If your parents ask, just tell them that there was some confusion with the the school and you needed an account with only your own name
You’re an adult. And can start to do adult things. Like manage your finances. Parents sound a little controlling. Why in the world would you send your checks to their checking? How do you get your money? Or are your parents taking it all for living with them? Seems like an odd situation. And I’m betting they still claim you on their taxes and get some extra money. Advice. Open a new account at a new bank. Sure get a credit card. But make sure you can afford it. And pay the balance off monthly if it all possible.
Get a P.O. Box then use that address for your bank account. Have all statements sent digitally.
The right advice is to open a new account at a different bank. You can make an appointment to sit down with a representative and they will be more than happy to open a new account for you and get you all set up. That way you can ask questions and gain confidence.