I'm 53, and i haven't been home in a year, after i've lost my appartement to a flood. I live in a women only housing now, a single room with common spaces. My time here has to come an end ( it's 12 months max) and i am soon back to live, all alone. in May. I have to deal with a lot of anxiety, fears, and i'm working with a therapist so that living alone won't end up in another problematic situation. Solo life wasn't easy for me, even before the flood, i would barely leave home and ended up planning to take my own life. And then, that water all over the place forced me out, and saved me, somehow. Even though i was always frugal, didn't own much, it did hurt to see it ruined, and to abandon my nest.
Now, i need a lot of things. I thrifted all my furniture except the mattress. And i haven't found a couple of pieces yet, i'm going back to the thrift store next week, for a sofa and a tv stand, if there is something i like. I still have time, and the bedroom was my priority, my refuge room.
Anyway, today i was at HomeSense for the first time ever. I wanted carpets for the living room and the bedroom, and to dress my bed. Things were SO pretty……spring pastel colours everywhere, i felt all fuzzy and finally decided the way my room would be after i got the carpet. It did set things in motion, i'm suffering from great ambivalence and buying stuff makes me nervous. I found some deals, i was very reasonable, because like i said i still need a lot of stuff.
Now, i'm back here in my room, looking at the things i bought, that i love, but i feel guilty for spending money. I don't get it! I've spent an entire year, saving every penny while i live in this room, exactly for this day. To get an appartement i want to live in, with a comforting feeling. My previous place was too empty, too minimalist, no texture, nothing on the walls. And i would barely decorate besides a few plants. In the end, it made me anxious and it unsettled my guests, for the few that came over…Now, i want to love my place. Still, i feel silly and stupid to buy anything new. I wonder if i haven't got too frugal? Like, i've lost touch with the realities of life? I can't find all i want for free, that's impossible. And if i'm honest, i always hated my previous sofa, i found it ugly. But it was for free so, i felt smart. Same with clothes sometimes, from the thrift store.
Understand, i live with a very low income and, money is a serious matter for me. I plan and budget to the last penny.
But that i can't even feel happy for more than 5 minutes, at my age, about some brand new carpets, sheets, a duvet and a throw? ..What's wrong?…..I almost got back for a refund even though i want and need it…
I feel guilty for buying anything new…
byu/calinerie inFrugal
Posted by calinerie
5 Comments
You seem to have a lot of mental health issues.. continue working with the therapist or possibly even see a psychiatrist.
I don’t know where you live, but are their coops in your area, they often are cheaper ways to live and you would be in an intentional community.
Maybe after you use the things you will start to feel happy?
have you considered creating a budget? you can plan ahead and set money aside for these types of things, guilt-free
You are allowed to buy things that make you happy.
It sounds like you’ve been through quite a bit and may be overwhelmed or discombobulated a little.
Be kind to yourself. Squish your toes into your fuzzy rug and look forward to building your space how you want. It’s exciting!
It stands to reason that you couldn’t spend for so long, you are likely feeling like it is too extravagant right now. I totally get that. But…you need those things, and you are saving money by shopping on sale and at thrift stores. Most of all, you deserve to have a place you feel good in and feel happy about. That is just as needed for recovery and peace of mind as anything else. Make your new place your sanctuary. You deserve it.