Citi Strata Elite – My Personal Hell

I've never posted on Reddit before, but I had to share my cautionary tale about trying to switch from Chase Sapphire Reserve to Citi Strata Elite. It's possible that everyone on this sub already knows about the challenges that ultimately defeated me, but hopefully this will be helpful to non-experts.

My background: I'm a dual US/UK national splitting my time between both countries, but with the majority of my time these days spent in the UK. I've been a CSR member for nearly 10 years now, but their rewards overhaul last year made the card much less valuable to me. I saw the reviews recommending the Strata Elite card, and the benefits seemed great. I only learned later why Citibank is so often called Shittybank. Here, in a nutshell, is what happened to me:

1. I apply and am approved for the card, which is sent to my US address in Florida. I'm in the UK, but no problem, right? I'll just use the card details to activate it remotely. (Yeah, I know, I know. NOW I know.)
2. Card turns up on schedule, and I get a family member to send the card details. I activate the card without issues and use it successfully for a test transaction, but can't seem to add it to my Apple Wallet. I call up Citi for help. The usual shenanigans ensue. Do I have another phone number registered in my name they can call to verify my identity? No. (Who among us?) Do I have other bank accounts with Citi? No. Okay, apparently I'm a fraudulent actor; my card is blocked and I have to wait 7-10 days for a letter in the mail. In Florida, obviously. I do some googling and apparently Citi are deranged about possible fraud in the early stages of account activation, so I'm still optimistic. I wait for my letter.
3. The letter arrives, and I give Citi the reference code. Once I'm officially declared not malicious, they ask me to try adding my card to the Apple wallet. Not working. Can't figure out why. They see the request—oh, no, wait, they don't see it after all. After about 15 minutes of this they conclude, without evidence, that I need the physical card in order to add it to Apple Wallet. That's never been an issue for me with any other card, but okay. I give them my UK address and they agree to post a new one to me.
4. Two weeks go by; no sign of the card. I call them. At first, they try to claim I'm attempting fraud again and they need to send another letter. I hit the roof and am eventually cleared by a supervisor. They don't know where the card is, but they can send a new one. They'll send it Fedex this time. I should have it within a few days.
5. Another week goes by. No old card, no new card. I call them again. Did they say they would send it by Fedex? Whoops! Turns out their fraud people are concerned, so they can't do Fedex; they've sent it by snail mail instead. (Side note: if I WERE malevolent, which I'm not, how is this the solution??? They're still mailing the card! Anyway.) They say it should arrive imminently and I just need to be patient. I hang up and look for some pencils to snap in half, for catharsis reasons.
6. Yet another week passes. It has now been two months since I signed up for this card. I call them AGAIN. They have no explanation for the missing cards and offer to send another. I say no, I'll wait. It's got to be any day now, right? (Incidentally, my US debit card at Schwab is up for renewal and I get a new card sorted in about 12 seconds. It arrives, by snail mail, in three days.) I'm also aware that my window to earn my sign-up bonus has shrunk from three months to one month. I ask if there's anything they can do about it. "I'll put in a request." LOL.
7. Another week goes by! By this point, the annual fee has also been tacked onto my account, so in three weeks I'm due to pay $600 for a card I still can't fucking use. I've had enough. I call them and tell them I want to cancel. That, at least, is straightforward. Then I tell them I refuse to pay the annual fee for a card I've never been able to access. I'm told they'll request a waiver and I should know within 5 to 7 business days if it's been granted. At this point I am ready to take a hostage. That brings us to the present: time will tell if I have to go completely scorched-earth on these fools.

TL,DR: if you're abroad when you sign up for Citi Strata Elite, caveat emptor. You might be six feet under before you even get your card, and even if you do, good luck using it with all those fraud flags flying. I've given up and am resigned to remaining a Chase Sapphire member.