Hi all, looking for grounded advice from people who’ve been through something similar.
My parents (late 60s) are in a pretty bad financial situation right now:
– No cashflow, no savings
– Credit cards maxed
– Owe money to friends/family
– Behind on rent and asking me for money urgently
Mom hasn’t filed taxes, dad only partially filed
Dad recently in hospital (not critical, but adds stress)
They’re basically asking me to help cover rent and other immediate costs.
Here’s my position:
– I’m not comfortable lending money (I’ve been burned before helping someone in a similar pattern)
– I don’t want to involve my friends/network either
– I do want to help in other ways (calls, resources, organizing things, etc.)
I’ve tried suggesting:
– calling their landlord for a short extension
– using local resources (211, social worker, etc.)
filing taxes to unlock benefits
– But my mom’s response is basically: “that doesn’t solve the immediate problem, we need money now.”
– I get that she’s in panic mode, but it feels like giving money would just delay the same issue again.
I’m struggling with a few things:
– How do you stay supportive without becoming the financial solution?
– Where should boundaries realistically be in a situation like this?
– What kind of help actually works when parents are overwhelmed and not very structured?
– Has anyone successfully helped parents stabilize without giving money?
– Also—emotionally, this is tough. I care about them, but I’m realizing they don’t have the capacity to manage things well, and I don’t want to step into a role that I can’t sustain.
– Any practical advice or experiences would help.
Thanksz
Parents asking for money in crisis. Trying to help without becoming the solution.
byu/Prophet_Ezio inpersonalfinance
Posted by Prophet_Ezio
10 Comments
Give them advice, love support and an honest assessment of their situation. But not money, you’ll never see it again.
Just curious – why aren’t they working?
Are you in a position to help them? How are your own finances, and how would it impact you if you did cover their costs?
I have gone through this before and it was tough. They paid me back eventually but were resentful. You can do it once (or up to a certain amount that you’re comfortable never recouping), and then never again. I did not want to continue the cycle of enabling their debt.
I feel like they need to evaluate other options. They should be working or on disability. Help them file their taxes: Cash App does it 100% free for example and I do my own taxes through it. They might evaluate moving in with other family members if they can
>No cashflow, no savings
Are they in the U.S.? Because late 60s mean they’re eligible for Social Security?
>I’m not comfortable lending money (I’ve been burned before helping someone in a similar pattern)
Never lend money… if you want to help, give them the cash and write it off.
Why do they file taxes separately? It’s much better to file jointly, assuming you’re in the US.
I do not recommend giving them ongoing financial support, which is what they are actually requesting. This wasn’t a one off.
They are not in a financially tenable situation.
I really want you to also understand you’re never seeing any money you give them ever again, no matter how much they say it’s a loan.
When it comes to family, consider money “lent” as money gone. Can they work part time at least, not sure what they did professionally but maybe they can do consulting or something that can provide some income for them and maybe help with a budget if they’re not fiscally responsible or poor money managers
I know it’s your parents but don’t lend them the money. It’s not fair they’re not exhausting their options before coming to you, or even putting you in that situation.
If this is a first I would give them some money, not lend. Make it very clear (in a nice way) that this is the one and only time you can do this…and then follow thru with a no if asked again. Or don’t give it to them. No is hard to say ..the first time