So to make a long story short I have to leave an abusive relationship soon. I had a decent job before getting pregnant, became a SAHM. You know the tale as old as time. Much I regret, but can’t dwell too long cause I have my blessing of a child.
My soon to be ex makes good money. 200k a year. Maybe a little more. My plan is to play as nice as possible until I have a solid foundation and plan. The job I’m going back to is decent but nowhere near 200k. I live in an extremely expensive state so I’m already mentally preparing myself to shift my mindset, and get ready for a drastic change in lifestyle. Luckily before any of this I’ve had my fair share of hard ships and am resilient. In a way I’m excited to get away, I don’t care about this material shit anymore.
But I’ll be honest with you all- I’m probably not the smartest with money and being frugal. I’m not a crazy over-spender but have my moments. I did grow up with very little and seems I have that scarcity mindset and think that if I don’t buy something now, I won’t be able to get it later for whatever made up reason. I also was definitely doing some retail therapy to forget about the problems and abuse I’ve faced. It made me feel better to buy my daughter all the nicest things. But guilt always comes soon after and I have worked hard on reversing this and only buying absolute necessities especially since I knew I’d have to plan to leave soon.
I didn’t have my parents growing up so have had to slowly teach myself how to be smart with finances. Definitely getting the hang of it but still feel sort of dumb? In that area. Like I could be doing more.
So from one scared and soon to be struggling single mother, give me all the tips you have the time and patience to write out. Food, finances, cost cutters, you name it. Thank you in advance ❤️
Soon to be single mom asking for any and all tips that YOU feel saved you in hard times.
byu/6iteme inFrugal
Posted by 6iteme
4 Comments
Know where your money goes. Budget every dollar for thirty days. It’s eye opening. And you got this
Don’t spend more than you make.
Convenience has an upcharge. Live with roommates if you can. Make your own meals.
No DoorDash or instacart.
Peanut butter, Beans, rice. Canned tuna, frozen veggies can take you pretty far.
Join your local buy-nothing groups and curb alert groups on Facebook.
Make friends with other single moms and create a community to lean on when one needs a break or has a work emergency.
Second hand stores are a great place to get toys and clothes for kids. They won’t remember having the “nicest” things when they’re older.
If you are on your phone a lot, unsubscribe from retail email lists. Delete Instagram and TikTok. These platforms are constant ads suggesting you to spend.
As for you, pick one treat you can look forward to. Don’t neglect yourself. It can be free like time at the park with your kid, having wine at a friends house to talk, movie night where you make popcorn at home. Something. You have to take care of yourself too but not with mindless spending
Will you not get alimony and/or child support?
Are you still with him? Does he know you’re planning to leave? If not I would buy a few gift cards when you buy groceries and stuff to keep for emergencies. I would also recommend you buy yourself work clothes, shoes, underwear and clothing in the next sizes for your baby. Stock up on food and baby supplies etc and get an attorney that will stand up for you and insist you’re able to take these things with you.
If you can get to the dentist and eye doctor. During my divorce my ex took all of our money and I had two dental crowns break and couldn’t afford to have them fixed.
Write down what your fixed expenses will be. Housing, car, insurance, utilities etc and how much you’re going to be earning and what the child support calculator says and work on a budget. If you’re married find out what the laws are. In some states people get alimony and some just temporary support and sometimes if there’s a discrepancy in income you can arrange to go back to school. Findout what to expect then plan.
When you make your budget try to put as much aside for savings as possible because unexpected things always come up.