I need some outside perspective. My husband and his dad are going to inherit a small piece of acreage in a desirable location when Grandpa dies. My husband and I are in our 30s with no kids now but plans to have one in the near future.
My FIL and MIL were supposed to move into grandpas house when he dies but have recently decided that they don’t want to do that anymore because there’s “too many stairs”. They’ve since decided they want to build a barndo in the place their mobile home is now (on this property).
Originally they had planned to gift the house and land to us because they weren’t going to live in it and didn’t want to sell it either. However, they have now decided that they want us to “buy” this property from them for the estimated cost of building this barndo.
My FIL seems to think that this barndo can be move in ready for under 150k. I think this is wildly under budget even if he intends to DIY MOST of the build. I recently asked my husband if he’s seen the potential build plan for this and he says that FIL “hasn’t decided yet” on a plan because of the cost for blueprints.
Here’s the rub, my in-laws are in 61 and 63. They intend to retire when they are able. Per FIL they don’t have a lot saved for retirement. They have upwards of 1500-1700a month in payments for leased toys (4 wheelers, a boat, 5th wheel). And they are currently in the market for a new (they don’t buy used) Toyota Highlander for my MIL. So needless to say, they have a lot of payments for two people moving towards retirement.
I am uncomfortable financing the cost of their build. They are in fine health now but they have not lived a healthy lifestyle and I foresaw their being significant issues as they age. I’m also not sure that them “aging in place” is realistic given their physical conditions. I don’t want to be saddled with a property we are still paying off while no one lives in it if they die or need to move before the term of the loan is paid off. (My husband doesn’t see this as a problem-he just thinks we’ll rent it if this happens).
The other issue is that my FIL thinks he’ll be able to do all the electrical,drywall, framing, pad pouring etc himself or with the help of my husband and again, I see physical limitations on this.
I am frustrated. Every time this comes up between my husband and I, my husband feels like I’m a dream killer by point out the obvious issues in this plan. I spent most of my working career with the elderly thru end of life so I am very well versed with what aging looks like but I don’t know if I’m overly pessimistic about this because of my employment history or if I just need to stop being the professional and back off?
Financing In-Laws retirement build
byu/Objective-Art-8694 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Objective-Art-8694
7 Comments
I think your husband has familial blinders on. I think you are justly concerned. I don’t know how you deal with this gracefully.
I suspect you and your husband will be your in laws retirement plan.
The finances aside, I think you’re right to have concerns about aging in place. Most people think it’s a great idea and saves money. Sure, it works great until it doesn’t. Then it really doesn’t and it turns into an emergency situation for everyone else to deal with.
It sounds to me like your concerns are justified. But if you can buy Grandpa’s house for $150k and it is big enough for a growing family and worth that much and is in an area where you want to live then that doesn’t sound too bad.
Buidling a whole house by yourself, even with a part time helper, is a pretty big job. I’ve been involved with a project like that – it took four years, cost much more than planned (3x) but came out really nice.
The concern over the cost of blueprints is giant red flag.
I don’t have answers but am following.
Your input is valid, and not valued.
All you really have control over is whether you will buy grandpas property. And indirect influence on your husband.
You CAN give data. R/contractors has a better sense of estimates, get 3. So many delays and soft costs. Good chats today on an ADU.
You can model for them typical costs of health care in their cases and why someone may not be able to age in place.
You could subscribe to monarch and make a flow chart that they can read modeling cost of living and your guess on budget. Get a discount from someone on that sub. Costly but gut punch cash flow and spending vishals.
Mostly you can just do you and your husband.
Whats a barndo?
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Hahaha Clearly FIL hasn’t priced out construction materials in the last few years. That 150K is not happening, even if he did every bit of the work himself. If they can’t afford even blueprints, how are they going to pay for the build? If they remove the mobile home, they’ll have to bring septic and well up to code. Septic alone will be 40Kish. A building permit generally is good for 1 year, with the ability to extend to 2 years total. 2 men are not going to get a barndo built by themselves in that time frame, while working full time.
Barndo’s do not hold value well. Zoning can be tough for them. So many things. Does FIL have the equipment he’ll need to do all this? Or will he be renting? I’m doing a large scale addition at the moment, and the price of construction materials is…something. They do make Barndo kits, that provide all the shell materials and plans they would need for the zoning permit. Might give him a better idea of the actual costs.
I would tell hubby that you are not trying to kill the dream, you are trying to be realistic. That FIL needs plans and material costs to see if its even feasible, before you have a firm opinion.
All of that is separate from the issue of Grandpa’s house and land. Is this a house you want to live in? A house you’d want to buy? If it is, when the time comes, have it appraised, make an offer. If it is not, it is perfectly fine to say “Thanks but no thanks”, let them sell it to finance their project. Or rent it out and use the rental income to get a loan. You guys have your own lives to live, your own family to build. If your hubby is emotionally attached to Grandpa’s place, and you can get a great deal on it, its worth considering. Otherwise, until they have hard numbers for their new build, there isn’t really anything to discuss, its just a dream.
No NTA. With those parents spending habits they should sell you the property for sure and then continue to live in the mobile home. The money you pay them for the house should be placed in a trust for their old age.