My husband (56) and I (62) have managed to do well for ourselves. I’m especially proud that I, a kid who was born in the Detroit projects to drug addicts (!) have found myself in a position where I believe we can call it quits and just enjoy
life.
My husband was laid off in January and he’s panicking because he hasn’t found work. I think we’re fine.
We paid off our mortgage several years ago. The. value of our condo is ~ 900k.
We don’t have car payments. 2025 Honda CRV paid in full, 2018 Honda Civic paid in full.
In savings we have ~150k
401k from husbands job – ~ 750k
stocks and investments ~ 1.5 m
IRAS and CDs ~ 200k
I have a public employee pension of about 4200 per month. It has a COLA provision and generally is increased about 2% per year.
I work part-time and that brings in ~ 3500 per month.
Several years ago we fully funded long-term health insurance for both of us.
We have established both education savings plans and stock investments accounts for the grandkids (they are 4 and 7)
Our expenses are approx 10k a month. The major driver of that high expense number is health insurance, paying for a lot of our grandkids expenses (camps, help with daycare costs etc) and the HOA/Property taxes on our condo.
My husband isn’t comfortable with taking any money from our assets. I think that’s what that money is for, it’s what we worked and saved for – this time in our lives.
Additionally, there is the high probability of an inheritance for my husband in the next 5-10 years. It would probably be in the neighborhood of 2million.
TL:DR is my husband having a midlife crisis or some other mental health issue that’s creating an obstacle to fully retiring. Or am I delusional and we are teetering on the brink of financial disaster?
Husband says he needs to work, I think we’re ok.
byu/Chance-Pirate-5804 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Chance-Pirate-5804
32 Comments
Edit to add we have fully funded long term CARE insurance, not health.
For how much longer will you work?
When will you take social security and how much will it be (for both of you)?
To be real with you, how long are you going to financially support your grandchildren? That could be a major factor in the decision.
Don’t factor anything regarding a potential future inheritance into this. That’s a horrible, horrible idea.
If you had to live off what you have right now for 30+ more years, what does that look like?
What else is driving his concern? Maybe he doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself when retired? What is driving you want him to retire right now versus working for a few more years?
Cultural expectations are certainly influencing how he feels. Of course you guys both have plenty to both call it quits today. The U.S works hard to make us all believe we never have enough to retire, it keeps everyone working, great strategy. I assume hes worked forever so not electing to quit just feels jarring.
Your husband might not be mentally ready to retire or mentally ready to start spending your lifetime of financial prep for retirement, but financially you’re more than fine!
Setting aside your part-time income, your pension covers 42% of your monthly expenses. That means to cover the rest of your $120k annual spend, you’d only need to withdraw 2.8% from your $2.5M invested (401k, IRAs, trading portfolio)….significantly below the 4% withdraw rate rule of thumb. And currently well below that because your part-time work covers about 1/3 of your monthly spend.
Throw in social security for him in the next 10-15 years and you’re well on your way to dying with a lot more money than you have now.
If this really is a midlife crisis or a mental health issue nothing anyone on the internet says will mean anything to your husband. You should meet with a financial planner together- assuming the CFP says you’re financially ready to retire he should then meet with a therapist to explore what’s going on here. Lots of people find their identity through work.
It sounds like you’re both operating on feelings instead of a plan. Maybe you need a plan.
You’re not about to go broke. But it’s not abnormal to psychologically want the normalcy of a job despite it being financially unnecessary. Especially with the gender & age element–he likely feels that he should ‘provide’ financially for another decade, even though your household finances are fine and you yourself are nearly at retirement age anyways.
Depending on his skills/personality and local availability, I think a good first step would be regular part-time work, either professionally (e.g., substitute teaching, dog walking) or volunteer-based (e.g., a local food bank). That will at least give him a sense of accomplishment and a reason to get out of the house.
I’m 36. Have two kids (3 and 8). If I was in your exact financial situation I would quit my job tomorrow and go do something I actually want to do.
I always think that I would own a Dairy Queen franchise if I was ever in the position to not have to work…. The type that has no interior seating just a walk up stand.
I have no real input here…
Aside from any financials, i’m not hearing you ask questions about why he wants to work. Is his concern even about financials? Could it be that he enjoys work in some capacity?
Some people need to work psychologically more than they need to work financially. Not because they’re delusional but because they need the challenge of the projects to pursue and obstacles to overcome, along with the camaraderie with co-workers. Most people I’ve known that way are men.
If he wants to pursue another job and keep going, then let him and be encouraging about it. Be supportive and loving, not judgmental. Calling it a midlife crisis or mental health issue is just going to push him out the door faster than anything.
Let him retire when he’s ready. Not everyone works for money. Let him figure it out.
Speaking as a guy… sometimes the ‘need to work’ is hardwired in our heads. I would suggest that you have a conversation focused solely on finances and in ‘what great shape’ you guys are in. Then, ask him, if he could do anything with his time, what is their dream job? It may be that he just needs to keep his brain and hands busy. Maybe volunteering for a local hospital would be enough. Or start a new hobby? I’ve heard of people buying machines that aren’t working right, fixing and selling them. If you guys can afford it, then it doesn’t matter how much the hobby produces, just the smile on both of your faces should be enough. Good luck and Congratulations on a lifetime achievement!!!
Come to r/fire
Is your pension already paying out? Your husband is already eligible for early social security. Assuming that is about 2500-3000/mo, you basically have your expenses covered between your part time work, husband’s early social security, and your pension payout. If you continue to work part time until your social security is ready, that can also replace your part time work.
Your husband shouldn’t stress about finding a job, you are likely just fine without him working. But him working does help solidify your position more, and additionally would give you lower risk in the event that you do lose your part time work.
By the way, congrats on getting yourself out of the projects and to such a strong place in your personal life. ❤️
Do not count on any inheritance. If it happens then fine, but do not put inheritance into your financial calculations. I have witnessed two inheritances stolen in my immediate family over the years. I have seen elderly relatives burn through their assets (in one case over 2 million over seven years of 24/7 in home care) when they had costly end of life care needs. So do not count on inheritances.
Have you worked with a financial planner (hire a fiduciary who works by the hour, not a broker or financial/insurance salesperson) to create a financial plan for the rest of your lives a and see what different earning/spending scenarios work for your risk tolerance? There are several free online tools and spreadsheets that are a starting point for this and several paid options that let you factor in Medicare, Social Security, pensions, inflation, taxes etc over several decades long retirement.
Figure out what your base costs are like housing, taxes, medical insurance, insurance, utilities, food, etc. Then add in what your optional expenses are like vacation/travel, entertainment, going out to eat, hobbies, gifting money to children and grandchildren. Your base costs give you the minimum required to exist until you die, your optional expenses are mostly your fun money that you can reduce or change based on how your investments do and how cost of living over time increases.
Beware of funding your kids and grandkids lives while you have decades to live. Better to leave inheritance than run short of funds and be destitute or a burden on others late in life.
We are mid 60’s and our plan runs to age 100 for each of us. We update our long term plan once a year based on the state of our investments and current thinking on short and long term market performance plus cost of living predictions and tax changes. The long term plan allows us to then set a spending budget for the current year and estimate it for the next few years. The whole plan is always evolving in slow motion based on current trends. We can adapt to pretty much any set of market conditions as our base spending is low compared to our overall budget for any year.
I’d say wait until the AI bubble pops before you decide to retire.
Your current expenses are 120k.
2 million dollar portfolio gets you about 80k / year at a 4% withdrawal rate. Your pension gets you 42k / year. All of that is before taxes btw.
Hi! Is there an application link for new grandkids?
Some people actually like working, have something scheduled and being part of accomplishing a task.
Treat yourselves to a financial planner to outline your future likely income over time to evaluate.
“TL:DR is my husband having a midlife crisis or some other mental health issue ” counterpoint – your husband is 56 and 3 things are likely at play.
1) Retirement is long and challenging at 56. He may not be ready to chill for the next 20 -30 years.
2) He may well have got his sense of self worth and validation from his work. This is common.
3) He may have had a bunch of workmaates as his primary social circle and wants that agian. Maybe retirement at home does not give him “his time”.
Maybe he’d be happy with a part-time gig? Something to ease him into retirement?
You’re older than your husband, makes sense that you two are thinking differently about things. Give him 4-5 more years and see how he feels. You’re in a great position, very lucky. I wish I had the fortune. But sometimes work gives people meaning and identity and… he’s right in a way, it will help if he works a few more years because you have VERY VERY high cost of living for people who don’t have a mortgage or car payments. Cut that in half to something more reasonable and he’d probably be ok retiring.
TLDR: your husband is being reasonable but you’re also not being delusional. Just maybe impatient. There’s a middle ground there: you’re in a great position but also it’s sensible for him to work a few more years and prepare to retire.
He’s awfully far away from Medicare and any other government benefits too so he might just be a practical person. If I was in your situation with a pension, I’d retire five minutes ago. If I was him and always the breadwinner with financially unstable children I’d work a while longer to know I could help them and not touch my assets.
Sounds to me like you are financially fine and your husband is struggling psychologically with not being a provider, not having purpose, etc.
As long as you keep your expenses in check, you should be absolutely fine! 2.5 mil plus a pension puts you in good shape. not to mention, someone is likely eligible or will be for social security. He just doesn’t sound like he’s ready to retire. It may be the age difference.
If you convince him to retire, you better have a lot of honey do’s waiting! Good luck.
Financially you are clearly fine to retire.
In order to retire and sustain $10k a month in expenses, assuming just a 4% withdrawal, you need $3-3.6 million in total “savings”. This is why he is freaking out.
I think your husband was mentally not ready to retire and he probably did not envision permanently leaving the workforce in that manner.
Tell your husband to buy himself some clubs and hit the course, i heard golfing is fun
Not in your country so maybe slightly different situation , but I don’t have to work , I’m 59 years old and live very comfortably , but I HAVE to work , it comes down to self worth, an I useful? Do I have purpose?do people rely on me ?What’s my motivation for getting out of bed in the morning? Maybe that’s how he’s feeling
You’re in a position where you should be talking to a professional. You’re definitely very close to retirement ready but there are a lot of details to pour over.
Does your husband just want to work? Maybe he can find something part time instead of going back to a career job? Might want to consider holding on longer so you can make educations funds available for all the grand kids.
It is a terrible time to look for a job, we’re likely in a recession and the stock market will probably go through a major correction between now and before your 401k matures. Definitely er on the side of caution so you don’t run out of money at 95 years old or something.
Working keeps the mind sharp, a lot of people retire and start to decline suddenly.
That thing of not being comfortable taking from the assets? I totally get that. But equally I know I’m gonna have to break out of that mindset too.