My wife has metastatic breast cancer (stage 4)since 2018. She has been doing so good with bone only metastasis.
Recently she has had progression with new spots in her bones and growth of existing spots.
Her oncologist changed her to a new line of treatment. She has been on this for the last 2 months and continues to feel good.
During these last 8 years we have been so fortunate to build our dream house, travel , and watch our kids grow. I have a really good, stable job with good income so I have been able to provide our family with these experiences.
Unfortunately the last 2-3 years I have accumulated 2 personal loans and 1 credit card debt. My wife is aware of this and tells me we don’t have to do all these things. She tells me this, but I know her and I know she loves to travel and do stuff with the kids and house. I’ve told her in the past I would go broke to provide for her.
The debt is manageable but I know I need to start allocating more to paying off the loans especially the credit card debt. However, this summer she has mentioned going to London/Paris with the kids. Of course, I will bend over backwards for her so I will be paying for some of this trip but also adding some to our debt.
Am I going about this wrong? Do we stop travel/house stuff and pay off debt or just keep making minimum payments.
Like I said earlier, the debt is manageable. It’s just not going to go away anytime soon at this rate.
I guess I’m just asking opinions and thoughts on this. What would you guys do in my situation?
Providing for my wife with cancer
byu/Pale-Arugula-9232 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Pale-Arugula-9232
7 Comments
It depends on what she wants.
Personally. I wouldn’t want to leave my spouse and kids in material debt but on the otherside I would love memories while you can afford it.
A trip to london can be done at 7 to 10k for a family of 4 for 1 week even with the increasing airplane costs about 1000 per head for flight.
I am sorry for what you and your family have to go through.
I am going to try to stay objective and unemotional with my response.
We must accept that we can not have it all.
In order to have one goal, we must put off/delay/or even give up other goals.
We cannot experience or have every single goal.
Impending death or not, resources are finite. As so we must pick and choose which goals we wish to prioritize. And we must understand and accept the delay or forgo other goals.
I do not envy the position you are in. But from the presentation, I also get the sense that you are taking on full responsibility for the family finances. This is a heavy burden for one individual to take.
What I encourage you to do is consider making budgeting a *team* effort. Yes, the facade of giving your wife everything she could ever want will disappear because the reality of what your family’s budget can sustain will be revealed to her.
What your family needs may not be what you want to give your wife. Your wife may not understand the impact of what you are giving her on your family.
In life, and even more in approaching death, the two of you need to be a united team.
> During these last 8 years we have been so fortunate to build our dream house, travel , and watch our kids grow. I have a really good, stable job with good income so I have been able to provide our family with these experiences… Unfortunately the last 2-3 years I have accumulated 2 personal loans and 1 credit card debt.
You say you can provide your family with the experiences, but you can’t. Your job doesn’t pay enough for you to do that. I think you’re in denial
> Like I said earlier, the debt is manageable
If it’s so manageable then write out all of your costs and your income and then we can judge whether it’s manageable.
You are making this all seem like no big deal, and it’s likely because you have had to put on a brave face for many years and weather some extremely difficult times, but it is a big deal. Credit card debt destroys lives. Just make the budget and decide what kind of compromise is needed. Sounds like you might just need one year of cheap dates and cheap vacations, but you need to get that spreadsheet out to prove it
Oof, OP. My heart goes out to you. If it were me, I would probably be doing exactly what you’re doing. I don’t know if I can give you any objective advice because I can’t even imagine. The whole reason we’re saving at the rates we are is so we can retire early and spend more time together. In the end, it’s just money. He’s my universe – if I had to pay off debts incurred making only one more happy memory then like of course I would do that.
I think /u/BouncyEgg probably has the best advice for you.
If you’re accumulating debt that’s not for an income producing/appreciating asset, it’s not manageable. Figure out what’s important and proceed accordingly. Memories don’t always need to cost money.
> I have a really good, stable job with good income so I have been able to provide our family with these experiences.
Unfortunately the last 2-3 years I have accumulated 2 personal loans and 1 credit card debt.
It appears that you can only provide this level of experiences by going further into debt.
>What would you guys do in my situation?
I would cut expenses and/or increase income.
But you and your spouse get to decide if you are comfortable with continued increase in debt.
I would make my wife happy. You can pay off debt later.