This is an extremely embarrassing situation, and I am humiliated about having put up with it for so long. My husband has been abusing our finances and I need help/ recommendations on how to protect what assets I have left.
For background, I am married with two young children. I recently completed a PhD program and have received only a student stipend for the past 5 years. My husband has been employed off and on during this time. Most recently, he electively stopped working for 9 months, during which time he accumulated ~$50,000 in credit card debt and spent his entire inheritance. Our joint bank account is constantly withdrawn because he makes no money, and when he is making money, it goes to his very high credit card payments or on completely useless purchases.
About one year ago I separated our finances and opened up a separate checking account for my paychecks to be deposited into. I needed to be able to park my money somewhere where he couldn’t spend it so I could still pay for our mortgage, utilities, childcare, etc. It has been extremely tight, but I’ve been able to make ends meet. When I met with a banker to set up this account I didn’t go into a lot of details, but told them I needed to make sure I had a separate, protected account, and they told me this account would be just that.
Recently however, without notice, our bank seized the entirety of my solo checking account to pay the debts that have been accumulated on our joint checking account. I now have no other money. The joint account is still negative, and his credit card payments will continue to be charged, and it now seems like any money I make that is deposited into my solo account will be moved to our joint account which is essentially a bucket with a huge hole in the bottom as his debts will not be paid off for some time. The bank titled the transfer of funds as “Right to Offset”.
What do I do? I am kicking myself for letting things get to this point, but I have been living in survival mode for so long and haven’t wanted to rock the boat. I want to protect my paychecks, especially now that I have a “real” job, and don’t want them to just go to paying off this never ending debt. How do I escape this? Do I have any options?
Needing help with financial abuse
byu/JMoney6212 inpersonalfinance
Posted by JMoney6212
7 Comments
You’ll need to open an account with a separate bank that you are not indebted to. Be aware that they may just come to garnish your wages in the future.
Do you want to save the marriage? Leave it?
Saving it involves very difficult talks with your husband, lots of therapy, and removing his access from all financial accounts. Leaving it means you should call a lawyer yesterday and inform them of the debt he has personally accrued, and see what they suggest.
Call a lawyer, do not talk to the idiots on reddit about a situation this grave.
Get a good divorce lawyer, immediately. Collect all financial information you can. Set up a separate account solely in your name in a separate bank. Get a p.o. box so your husband can’t access your information. Lock up anyinformation you have at home. Take your attorney’s advice as you proceed through your divorce.
Open your separate account at a completely different bank.
I just want to reframe this because you’re blaming the wrong person. Your husband let it go this far. Your husband is racking up debt and will bankrupt the family if he doesn’t stop spending and start working. You are not to blame.
You need to talk w him and figure out WTF is going on. Does he have some serious mental illness? People w bipolar can spend when manic. I’m a therapist but am in no means diagnosing him. The problem is not just his spending it yall not talking about it. What does he do by way of work?
I work in fraud and there is one bank that just _will not_ share data much to our annoyance and detriment to our models. But this feature may actually help you and buy you time? The bank is called Chime. It has mixed reviews like all online banks, but goddamn it is hard to pry anything out of them.
You need to divorce this guy though OP he’s only going to drag you further. You need legally separate finances to be out of this mess.