My mom(50F) is so financially irresponsible and l'm(25F) just starting to realize this. To make a long story short I dropped out of college (which was only supposed to be a year off) because taking classes and working to pay my bills AND mine and her phone bill on top of her asking for money was starting to be a bit stressful. So I decided it would be best for me to get a full time job to save up money and return to school. Well she's kinda ruining that for me. I'm staying with her and I don't expect to stay for free even though she told me I could.. that changed too. I started helping her out with rent and that quickly changed to her needing me to take out a $3,000 loan which she had to ask me multiple times because I didn't have the guts to tell her no. I finally took out the loan that she said she would pay back and she also asked me to get a Home Depot card (all this just to remodel the house?!?) she maxed out the credit card after she told me she wouldn't.
She's not been paying back anything I've been trying to keep up with it. When she does "pay it" it's not the whole thing and I have to pay the rest of it. Well here's the kicker she was laid off of work for two weeks and said I would have to "get" the bills. Okay cool… she goes to the casino one night and hits for a little over $900. I'm thinking great she'll put it towards bills.. nope! She goes and buys two brand new 50+ inch tvs, wall mounts, bedding, house decor etc. money is gone! She hasn't sent anything for the loan or credit card bill ANDDDD I wake up today and the water is off 🙂 I'm over this. Completely. Don't even know what to do.
To add.. I texted her telling her I don't mind helping but paying all these bills is starting to be overwhelming and I can't save for school etc. ….Her reply? "I only needed help because I was off for two weeks"
My mom is financially irresponsible
byu/Amazing-Damage-639 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Amazing-Damage-639
11 Comments
You need to put on your own oxygen mask first.
Might be time for you to get the [heck out of dodge](https://www.coolworks.com/jobs-with-housing).
Move out, pay off the debt, do not ever give this person another dime
You do not owe her anything, but she will drag you down with her if you don’t put a stop to it
If you keep falling for your mother’s guilt then you’ll end up financially ruined. In fact, it sounds like you’re getting close to it already.
I would probably consider this abuse to be honest. This is narcissistic behavior and it’s best to get yourself physically removed by whatever means necessary and then limit or cut contact. This will not get better on its own and will take a gargantuan effort for you to right this ship. It will only get worse as she gets closer to retirement.
Do we have the same mother? 😂
Only solution is to leave. In their minds, they are helping by letting you stay there (even though it’s financial abuse).
Yeah, you’re gonna have to cut her off for the most part. I don’t think you’ll ever get a penny back from her, and maybe it was an expensive lesson, but anything you give her after this is simply enabling an addict. Without some seriously tough boundaries, you will destroy your financial future also.
Oh my god, this sounds so stressful. You’re putting in a lot more effort than you should. Have you thought about setting firm boundaries with her before things get worse?
In addition to cutting her off (as hard as that is, especially with our culture constantly forcing a ‘take care of family no matter what’ messaging), get back into college. Super part time if you want. But finish it. The longer you wait to finish, the more complicated your life gets with jobs, relationships, etc and the harder it gets mentally to just do it.
You also need to pull your credit reports from the three bureaus to make sure she hasn’t stolen your identity to open credit cards, take loans, etc. and if she hasn’t (yet), FREEZE not lock, FREEZE your credit file with the 3 major credit bureaus. If she already has committed identity theft and opened accounts in your name, you will have to file a police report and then begin working with the lenders to get that fixed. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Hopefully you can convince her to get the psychiatric help she needs.
OP you need to do this tomorrow
1) Freeze your credit, all three credit bureaus
2) Call the credit card company, ask for a new card. If your mother is an approved user, remove her. Change the password
3) Do not take out anymore debt for her. No loans, no credit cards, no co-signing. Absolutely nothing
No one is physically forcing you to sign these. If you cave to her, you will be legally responsible for whatever debt is accrued. This could fuck up your life pretty quickly
I’m sorry, I have an ex just like your Mom :/ My kids complain about this too and its hard on them, but its still Mom. The ones who can are learning to draw boundaries, the one who can’t is quietly suffering while plotting their own escape.