My parents are from another country and are financially illiterate. We don’t have the warmest relationship, so I’m not interested in actively managing their money. When I’ve given advice in the past, they haven’t taken it. My dad, the only working parent, is in his 60s and opened his first retirement account 3 years ago. Most of their savings is physically stowed away in a bag. I didn’t ask how much, but I assume at least early six figures.
I’m at a loss for how to deal with this situation.
What kind I do to make things better?
I’m thinking of various scenarios where, in addition to be stupid and reckless, it’s totally inconvenient to have a large sum of money sitting in a bag. The most likely one is them taking a flight and retiring to their home country. There’s a 10K cash limit on international flights!
My parents live in section 8 housing. There’s a 100k asset limit, excluding retirement accounts, which they would exceed if they were to put their money in the bank today. Had they been putting away their money into retirement accounts over the course of their lifetime, they likely would not exceed this limit.
I’m really at a loss of what to do.
My parents keep most of their money in a duffel bag
byu/Positive_Bee_2524 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Positive_Bee_2524
23 Comments
>When I’ve given advice in the past, they haven’t taken it.
So, what are you hoping to achieve?
Sounds like your parents are not interested in what you have to say.
I am not trying to say this unkindly. Tone is difficult to convey via text. But you cannot change someone who is not interested in changing.
Parents are going to do what they’re going to do. You can have conversations on what you might be concerned about, but recognizing that you cannot do anything beyond that is important to help protect your own psyche.
Pretend to steal their money to teach them a lesson
FYI the customs $10k limit just means it has to be declared and documented. It doesn’t mean you can’t bring it.
> When I’ve given advice in the past, they haven’t taken it.
>I’m at a loss for how to deal with this situation.
You deal with it by not giving advice that won’t be heeded anyway. Then you hope for the best.
As long as they are mentally competent, there’s nothing else for you to do.
Buy them a fireproof safe for the next birthday, wedding anniversary, or Christmas – whichever comes first.
Keeping all their savings in a duffel bag might feel safe to them but it’s honestly scary how quickly that could go wrong one theft, one accident or even just time eating away at its value. You probably can’t force them to change but talk to them simply about keeping it safe cuz after a lifetime of working they deserve more than having everything sitting in one fragile spot.
Sounds like a combination of fear, ignorance, and probably a little bit of fraud with the section 8 issue.
They’re not interested in your help, I don’t think there’s anything you really can do here.
> We don’t have the warmest relationship, so I’m not interested in actively managing their money. When I’ve given advice in the past, they haven’t taken it
So then stay out of it. They’re not going to listen to your advice, so trying to help them is only going to create stress.
Right now this works “fine” for them. It’s inconvenient. If they want better options, they can talk to an advisor.
I’ve known of too many people with weird money things. One friend’s dad died recently. Nearly his entire savings was five gallon buckets full of quarters and $1 coins.
Since your parents don’t listen to you, do you have anyone else that is trustworthy who could convince them to at least deposit this $ in a bank acct? Have this person explain how they could easily lose this $ due to theft, fire etc.
If they’re not going to take your advice, the best thing to do is to meet them where they’re at. First, consider buying them a safe. This helps protect their money without getting them to make any major changes. Then, I’d recommend asking them why they are keeping their money this way. Not saying you haven’t tried this, but maybe listening without the goal of offering any advice or making any changes might help you see any underlying fears or misconceptions they have. This could better help you broach the conversation in the future. Wishing you good luck!
Let me try to help you understand your parent’s mindset. I’m about their age. My grandparents lived through the Great Depression. No FDIC insurance. Their families lost EVERYTHING when the bank went under. It took them decades to trust banks again. That might still be a legitimate concern in their home country.
You might try just educating them about FDIC insurance and the protections in the United States on money in FDIC insured accounts.
Most of these concerns aren’t concerns to really have like the section 8 thing
I’d be more concerned about one house fire or robbery and they are reduced to absolutely nothing
Ask them if you can hold it for them in a safe at your home
Rational
If you get robbed you only loose half of it not all of it
Be aware, traveling with a lot of money could get them flagged and detained at the airport with a possible seizure of cash if they involve law enforcement, until such time that they can show the money is legally thiers (receipts, paycheck statements over long periods). Any transfer over 10k must be reported to the IRS, usually by a bank. (Don’t try to skirt this with transfers like 9k then 9k again. Your account will get frozen.)
It is infinitely safer to do bank transfers.
100k is not very much money, for a retirement. Depends what country they are going to if it will last. Advise them to save more.
Their best bet is to start dumping it in retirement accounts. Cap a 401k, HSA, Roth IRA. These are tax advantages accounts.
Make it perfectly clear to them that you are not going to bail them out if their money is stolen, burns, is flooded, etc. Gift them that safe and leave it be. Not your responsibility anymore. You tried.
Your parents launder money. No one keeps hundreds of thousands of physical paper money in bags.
“Taking a flight to their home country.”
Sure, that will work out.
Invest in a car wash, or dry cleaning with the cash.
Tell them about the thief that’s taking their money out of their bag. (Inflation)
Could you visit for a week or two, then do laundry at the Laundromat, and take the duffels, store them hidden in the car until they freak out. Then casually be like ok yea I was gonna do your laundry too, and saw the duffels full so I figured there was laundry to do as well. Might scare em into using a bank
Along with the great comment of buying a safe that another redditor commented, this is a big struggle I’ve faced in my life too. Parents are retired and have barely any savings. I kinda gave up it’s a losing battle cause they come from a generation and mindset our generation might never understand. Sad state of society.
Make sure their smoke detectors are working.
Steal it and invest it on their behalf
Get them a safe, not one from a big box store those are gun cabinets. They won’t keep anyone out except toddlers.
Find a tl-15 if you afford it or amsec burglary rated safe.
If it’s really low 6figures, it’s worth spending the money on something that’s not cheap sheet metal.
Go to a local reputable locksmith, sometimes they have used TL-15’s for sale that would be perfect in this situation.
Also make sure whatever they get it’s bolted down to the wall and/or floor. Even heavy safes can be manhandled if there’s enough time.
Don’t tell anyone about the money, less that know the better.
Bank safety deposit box the best choice. Home safes still very vulnerable.