My parents, are in a crazy amount of debt. My dad won’t disclose the number. Basically they are swimming in debt and don’t make enough to afford basic living expenses. Their house is nasty. Literally bugs everywhere, it’s disgusting. Yesterday they had someone come to spray their house ( they do this monthly for the bugs) and they told them there is $30,000 in damages. They were told it would be $60,000 to replace the roof. Raccoons, termites, and possibly snakes. My parents have done their best with the raccoons, setting up cages, covering spots on the roof, but they keep getting in. This year they finally took control and filed bankruptcy and are paying money back on taxes. They can’t foreclose on the house because my grandpa is a co-signer. They really are trying, but the house is like a hole, with problem after problem. I don’t know how to help or what I can do. Any advice I can get would be extremely helpful
How can I help my parents get their life back on track?
byu/ButterflyFuture3704 inpersonalfinance
Posted by ButterflyFuture3704
11 Comments
This is going to be hard for you but your parents are going to have to make tough decisions.
You can’t make them for your parents.
But this house has ruined their financial lives and is likely going to continue to do so. Especially if your grandfather is going down with that ship, too, they can’t even just walk away.
Get your education. Get out. Get stable. Then look around and see if you can help your parents. You haven’t said anything to indicate that they are looking to better their situation.
You don’t mention your own situation. If you are a multimillionaire, buy them a new house. If, as is more likely, you are a poor student or in your first job, not much you can do, you don’t have enough to fix their problems but you could bleed yourself dry trying to give them your spare money.
If they aren’t serious about helping themselves, you can’t help them. They’re adults. Let them deal with it.
They can foreclose on the house no matter who the cosigner’s are. It’s all dependent on if the loan is current. That said I would say it’s time to ditch the house. Maybe bk is the answer but if they are bad with money the hole will start to be dug again.
That’s a really heavy situation, and honestly there’s only so much you can personally carry here.
It sounds like the biggest leverage point isn’t just the debt, it’s the house. If it’s constantly eating money with repairs and infestations, it’s going to keep dragging them down no matter what else they do. At some point it might be worth having a real conversation about whether staying there is even viable, even with the co-signer complication.
I don’t see how your grandpa being a co-signer affects things. Do you mean your grandpa is paying the mortgage so his credit doesn’t get ruined?
Just proof of this board’s famous saying, “Never cosign for anyone.”
The comments have been so helpful for me as well because I’m going through this dilema. I want to help but doesn’t seem like they want to improve. I feel like I’m trying to make something happen and help but doesn’t seem to go anywhere. Older sister has a Job and lives with them but is a bum and only like to go out. I need to get out
They don’t necessarily have to foreclose, they could sell if they’re not underwater. Repair items are nothing to a house flipper.
Also, repairs you’ve been quoted may be quoted high and not absolutely necessary. I’m sure there’s a lot of low hanging fruit that could be done with a little elbow grease and some YouTube videos. Holes in roofs can be repaired. Holes in walls letting animals in can be fixed. It’s not rocket surgery.
Imo need professional counseling. Even if they’re in debt, they can still have a clean house without pests. Something is contributing to messy house which needs resolved
They are in a bad place, more important than finances is their health and well being. They dont currently have the financial strength to dig themselves out so they have to think them selves out. Keep the water and critters out of the house. A coupke of 20 dollar tarps and a gallon of spectra ide. Those tarps should give you a 6 month window or more. Assuming they have no pets, they cant afford them, if they do, get rid of them. Re-home with a good family if needed. Spray all jambs, cracks, everything. Cant live with bugs. Hopefully at this point theres a light. They have to walk toward it. They need to be cleaning, getting rid of shit, selling unneeded luxuries if there are any. Be reading up on how to fix their problems by them selves when money is available. If that house is foreclosed on or condemned, they are homeless and thats a lot harder to come back from without help. Once they get a handle on those things they need to be working every opportunity they can if available. Dont care if its sticking shelves for min wage. They need all they can get. Once theyve stemmed the bleeding with the house and got themselves in a position to push back against poverty, they have to do it. They need a list of home repairs they can do and a list of those they can not with a generous estimate by them so they can itemize by importance and financially feelasible. They need to look for programs available that can help. It took them a while but my dad (who was career navy and retired with not much) and my mom (who retired with a small soc sec check…they were physically retired, couldnt get around well enough to work) needed an hvac system, they got one through a govt program that installed a new unit only after replacing windows, insulating, and sealing the house. Stuffs out there. If they are paying for the pest control, stop. They can and have to do it. They are going to need your help and support through this and its going to be the toughest thing theyve ever had to do with a long road to self stability. They didnt get them selves her overnight and they damn sure wont get themselves out. Agencies and even normal good people will always be more willing to help financially if they can tell the people want to help themselves. They need to be honest with themselves and the people around them as to how tgey got here or they will never get out. Ive had a family member in this position and he took the other route and spent his last days in squalor visiting out side for embarrassment of his house. Everything he hid was brutally apparent and honestly unfair to those of us responsible after his passing. He would not accept help or even allow folks to check it out. Floors like a fun house and wall to wall garbage and valuables mixed together. Had let ac,at the time, 300k house get in such a state of disrepair i felt blessed when i got a check for 40k for it.