My mom (59F) is going through a divorce with my father (59M) after 40 years of being together. Long story short, my parents met when they were 18, and they had me and my sister at a very young age, we're both 38 and 34 now. My dad has been physically and mentally throughout the years, often getting to the point where we have had to get the police involved because he was beating her. We got to a point recently where my mom finally has the courage to leave him and we can all move on from this situation. She has contacts to help her through the divorce process and she plans to move back to Poland where she's from to live with my grandmother.
My parents never really grasped the concept of retirement or saving money and they're at an age where its critical to start planning, and they have refused to do that, often fighting about money. My dad is out of the picture, he moved out and doesn't want anything to do with my mom. I'm trying to collect as much information as I can, because I want to help my mom with her options and try to make the best out of a shitty situation.
The situation is pretty messy overall right now and I'm still trying to figure out what their monthly bills are like but I was able to get a rough estimate.
- Mortgage: $900. Maybe $120k left on the loan and the home is worth ~$420k.
- Electricity: $100-350. Hot summer months kill us on the electric bill.
- Utilities: $100
- Car loan: $600. Not sure how much is left on the loan.
- HOA: $60
- Medical bills: $200, $100 copay visits per month, $15 prescriptions per month
- She also sends money to my grandmother to pay for the apartment that she owns. This is roughly $550 a month.
- Car insurance / phone bill / subscriptions is under my dad until he figures out he's paying that, which he'll most likely start cancelling.
She has some savings:
- $27k in 401k
- $5k in savings account
Income:
- My mom doesn't make much money, probably $2k a month.
She needs to pay the bills until the divorce is finalized. I'm not sure how long that takes. Me and my sister can support her for a while. My sister can pitch in to help, but wouldn't be sustainable for any of us. At least for a long period of time. These were some things I was thinking.
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How much legal claim would she have on a home where she's not on the title? If she has any legal claim on the home she could potentially get a portion of that and use that to collect her things to send back to Poland.
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She talked about taking out a loan to pay bills, but I don't think that's a smart option.
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I was thinking she could take a loan out against her 401k and pay the car loan or pay her bills until she gets the divorce finalized.
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Cashing out her 401k and taking the penalty to pay her bills.
My main question is, given this information, what are the best options? Any creative solutions would help us here!
Thanks!
I'm going to help with my moms financial situation as she goes through a divorce – need to know options
byu/More_Pool_4991 inpersonalfinance
Posted by More_Pool_4991
5 Comments
>How much legal claim would she have on a home where she’s not on the title?
This will depend entirely upon her location and why the house was only in your father’s name.
You mom should hire a divorce attorney, get a new/second job, sell the car, all in that order. I don’t see a world where her retirement isn’t entirely dependent on inheritance/her children supporting her.
At 59 years old with that little in retirement there’s not many options. Get as much of the house equity as she can, pay off everything, get a job that’s sustainable for a long time (librarian style jobs where she can sit), reduce expenses as low as possible. Good luck!
>How much legal claim would she have on a home where she’s not on the title? If she has any legal claim on the home she could potentially get a portion of that and use that to collect her things to send back to Poland.
This is going to be fact specific.
>She talked about taking out a loan to pay bills, but I don’t think that’s a smart option.
This is a very bad option, will just make everything worse
>I was thinking she could take a loan out against her 401k and pay the car loan or pay her bills until she gets the divorce finalized.
>Cashing out her 401k and taking the penalty to pay her bills.
If she’s 59.5 years old there is no penalty, but she will have to pay taxes.
Your mom is broke and can’t afford to be sending money abroad. She needs a job that pays more than 2k a month. She needs to get on her own two feet ASAP or you’ll be financially supporting her the rest of her life.
Your mom is fine as long as your dad had had a good incomethat paid into social securityand she’s eligible to receive it. She’ll get half your father’s social security and live in Poland. You just have to get get over the hump to retirement age.
This is heavily dependent on what her living costs are in Poland. But I assume it will be much less than where she is now.
And i echo everyone else in that she needs to understand what her rights are to the equity in the home. Then being married puts her in a much better place.
Also.. your mom is likely going to receive alimony. Your dad was the breadwinner. So it’ll be her 2k job + alimony.
600 monthly for a car sounds high. Maybe time to sell it or trade in for something cheaper but my guess is her credit score is not stellar. It’s a pain in the butt but selling it privately will bring in more money than what she would get in trade in. Is there good public transportation in Portland? Good enough she would not need a car?