I’m 56 years old and honestly feeling a little lost right now.
For years I was basically the stay-at-home parent while my wife focused on her career. Our kids are now in college, and we recently moved to Colorado for a fresh start. My wife is now the main breadwinner, which I’m grateful for, but I’m struggling with figuring out what my purpose is supposed to be next.
I’ve been applying for jobs and not getting much traction. I have experience in tech/IT and some programming background, but the job market feels brutal at my age. Financially we’re okay because we saved and invested responsibly.
For context, the finances I’m OK personal($1.4) portfolio/assets — my wife has her own separate retirement and investment accounts as well. We’ve been fortunate, but I still don’t want to just sit around for the next 20–30 years.
Part of me wants to reinvent myself. I’ve thought about:
- fitness or helping older adults get healthier
- volunteering
- EMT/fire department support roles
- animal shelter work (we have 2 dogs)
- cybersecurity/AI training
- maybe even going back to school part-time
The move itself has also been emotionally exhausting. Leaving California after decades and trying to rebuild a social circle in your 50s is weirdly hard.
I guess I’m asking:
- Has anyone else gone through a “what now?” phase in their 50s?
- How did you rebuild purpose/community?
- Did you reinvent yourself career-wise later in life?
- Any advice for meeting people in Colorado besides just sitting in breweries pretending to love IPAs?
Appreciate any honest advice. Even hearing I’m not alone would help.
56 Year Old Former Stay-at-Home Dad… Kids Are in College, Just Moved to Colorado — What Now?
byu/Significant-Sea-7001 inpersonalfinance
Posted by Significant-Sea-7001
12 Comments
Get trained as a search and rescue volunteer.
Not sure where in CO you ended up but if you’re near Aurora we can grab an IPA and pretend to like it sometime if you want
I haven’t, but I’ve watched my parents do it after moving to a new state to retire in. I think the first step is probably finding something that engages you and helps you stay in a routine (ie any of the things on your list). Then you use that to rebuild your social circle and/or as a springboard into something that generates income (security/IT consultant for local non-profits, personal trainer, etc).
If hiking/outdoorsy stuff is your thing, maybe look into groups that do trail maintenance and conservation in your area
If you’ve been in the mode of caretaker and you find yourself restless. It might be a good time to adopt a dog/pet. Lower stakes than a child, endlessly rewarding and will naturally put you in a really healthy routine. Dogs will also naturally intro you to other people (sometimes even when you dont want to if they’re extra friendly)
But spend some money taking classes within your interests. They can be expensive but you’ll find community more efficiently. At that age its tough but getting in the habit of putting yourself in enviroments where you have to interact.
When i moved to a new area I randomly decided to take a fly fishing class. Afterwards I was friendlier with the guys at that shop. Chat here and there and realized if I just do that a bunch of times you’ll naturally just start building relationships. The interest/hobby is the glue.
Also when you meet someone you vibe with. You’d surprised how many people love to hear “hey ive got a free boring day, want to grab a beer/coffee?” Maybe you connect maybe you dont but those little steps are the process.
Yeah I never made a friend in a bar that I kept. For males and in Colorado especially. Hobbies that include “doing things”, is a sure fire way to gain some buddies, that may grow into deeper friendships.
If you are indoorsy, well Colorado was an interesting choice but the same concept applies. Meetups. Throw yourself out there.
The friends/acquaintances that I met in Colorado were:
-while hiking a popular busy trail, I strike up a conversation.
-rock climbing meetups
-skatepark
-open jam sessions(I’m a fiddle player)
-coworkspace/job
-Ski/Snowboard Meetups
-Mountain Bike Meetups
Not in my 50s yet but got enough to retire currently and had a similar question come up of whether to keep going at my current trajectory or do something else. I personally decided to change roles into a less stressful job that gives me more less stress idle time (same field, just a smaller company that’s chill). I go on multiple walks during the day now instead of grinding at my desk. Will continue going for another 10 years and re-evaluate, probably move to part-time. I recommend getting a hobby that benefits others. I have a construction background so I like building things. So in my off time, I work on my own home to improve it (zero expectation of payback upon sale) and help family members with theirs that can’t do the work themselves. I get to do something I like, it’s not my main job so I don’t have to do it, and people around me appreciate my efforts. My only requirement is that I work at my own pace and we split the materials cost equally.
I bet there are non-profits that would be thrilled to have you volunteer to support them — you have valuable skills.
You could support their offices. Or you could mentor teens and young adults. Provide mentoring for small business owners.
Look into IT jobs at the city, county and state level or Community/technical/university level. I was a SAHM parent and got a great state job at my local community college. I loved raising and mentoring my kids and now I get to do it on a bigger level.
Suggestion: Remote or Mobile Notary work.
Another 50 something stay at home dad here. Kids grown. It took a couple years but I am back working in IT. Not really happy with it but necessary. My life took a plot twist with the wife filing for divorce. Got downsized….
As married dad I was deeply involved in unpaid community volunteer work and raising my kids. If I was in Colorado, I would be exploring the outdoors.
Contemplated buying/starting a business but the big D derailed that.
New city, new job, meeting people in your 50s is tough as a man. Hope you have better luck.
Where in Colorado? Front range I assume? The opportunites will be different.
That said – you are competing with one of the most highly educated workforce in the country, so it might be more difficult to land a job after a long hiatus. I would recommend looking into any of the continuing education certifications offered by the local university (UCCS in CO Springs, DU in Denver, CU in Boulder, Mines in Golden, or CSU in Ft Collins…and I guess Co Mesa in Grd Junction).
You can also find volunteer boards or activities in any coffee shop, brewery, or university student union. I volunteered at the Boulder Valley humane society and now volunteer with my local parks and rec department. There’s cycling and hiking and rock climbing groups advertising there. Or you can check out the REI events.
My county also sends out an activity guide every season.
I’ve known a couple people in similar situations who found teaching fulfilling.
There’s always volunteer work. 211 isn’t just for those who need help from charities. 211 can also be called to ask about volunteer opportunities. My older neighbor used to volunteer with the Red Cross to drive those who needed transportation help to their medical appointments using a Red Cross vehicle. I’ve known others who volunteered at schools, zoos, senior centers, at local theaters for live performances helping people find their seats and handing out programs. They received free entertainment and for some, saw performances they wouldn’t have been able to afford to attend without volunteering.
Given your tech background, you might find senior centers or assisted living facilities where you could help with tech issues or teach tech classes.