I am 46 years old, married, and have three teenage kids.
My net worth is around $2 million (not including house), spread across my 401(k), individual stocks, and non retirement brokerage accounts.
I have no debt. My house is paid off. My cars are paid off. No student loans or anything like that.
I have always been extremely frugal. I still drive my old 2006 Toyota. I honestly do not care much about cars, but I do love traveling.
The problem is that I have a very hard time spending money on myself and my family.
Even thinking about cashing out some stocks for travel makes me uncomfortable. Spending $10K on a two week trip to another country feels difficult, even though I know I can afford it.
I did not grow up poor, but I worked hard my entire life. During school, I paid my own tuition while working insane hours, sometimes 60 to 80 hours a week. I think that mindset never really left me.
Now I feel like time is moving fast.
There are things I still want to do in life. I want to climb mountains. I want to travel around the world. I want to experience life while I still have the energy and health to fully enjoy it.
But at the same time, it is incredibly hard for me to let go and spend the results of decades of hard work.
Part of me keeps asking:
“What if I need it later?”
But another part of me keeps asking:
“If not now, then when?”
I do not even know exactly what I am trying to say. Maybe I am just struggling with the idea of finally allowing myself to enjoy the life I spent decades building.
Having a Hard Time Spending After a Lifetime of Saving
byu/tonycliftondev inpersonalfinance
Posted by tonycliftondev
13 Comments
Understanding the numbers would help in terms of net worth and if you are supporting the kids and if you’re still working. Things like the 4% rule are a good way to at least get a perspective of what you currently have to float you yearly and then can adjust expectations from there.
Same. I broke down and spent a week in Italy. Best money I ever spent. What’s the point in trading your time for money if you never enjoy the fruits of that sacrifice? Spend a little, save a little, enjoy the trip. Besides some of the best trips you won’t be able to do when you’re old. We give up things with time. I think Charlie Munger said that.
Definitely enjoy life. As long as you have money for retirement and the kid’s education you are free to spend money for your 2 week trip.
Un bon départ c’est aussi les restaurants et les verres en terrasses ca te permettra de dépenser sans faire des folies. Pour les voyages c’est le moment de se lancer !
Maybe do a small side hustle for vacation money? You’re only allowed to spend it on travel.
Think of time in terms of seasons and health abilities. Let’s say you live to 85 or so but what your body can accomplish as you get older is much less.
Can you climb mountains past 60+? Maybe but you’re going to be limited as you age. At 46 you don’t have 40 years to do the things you want to do with your family. You have 14 summers, 14, winters, etc. that’s it. Think how fast time flew by since COVID, 6 summers already zapped.
You won’t ever regret the experiences you had with your loved ones. But you may regret not doing it when you’re older.
You don’t have to spend money, but you do have to spend *time*. So pick some thoughtful, memorable vacations and enjoy them, because if *you* don’t use your money to do so, someone else will use your money for it when you’re gone.
You did a good job building wealth… please take time to enjoy it while you are still “young” and in good health. It may not always be that way….
Hey, I know this doesn’t help a lot, but I’m rooting for you to get better at spending on the family. Growing up and even now, I still dream of a life where things had been different. Please enjoy the fruits of your labor. Your new job is manager of your family. We expect you to make adequate budgetary decisions with the responsibility trusted in you. You will be compensated with memories you’ll keep for life.
My two cents: chat with a therapist about anxiety and trauma. Why are you so afraid of letting it go? Is it really economic or were you traumatized in some form?
Do you charge your kids for rent too?
What’s the point of money? To get things you want in life, that’s it. If you never have any plans to spend it you might as well not even have it.
If you don’t feel the need to consume in order to be happy with your life, you can always donate to charity. It’ll be a good deed AND solve your anxieties of having money sitting around.
Some of this depends on your career. If you’re in tech, the future might be cloudy – lots of competition for great jobs. If you’re an electrician or doctor, you’re good.
As someone in tech and in a similar boat to you (except no kids and a bit more NS) I also feel that fear of spending. I think it will change once I build enough that i literally don’t care about finding a job if i lose it. Until then Im always wary.