I’m currently on vacation and I just spent a bunch of money on something I really didn’t need. I didn’t put that much thought into it, but I don’t want to be the kind of person who does this all the time.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m fine with buying things that will make my life better, but I am not used to experiencing delayed gratification. My parents have both told me that they spent too much on trips and didn’t prioritize paying off their credit cards enough. They still have credit card debt.
I know I’m modeling this behavior. I don’t have credit card debt, but I can never seem to save beyond my emergency savings. I think “I deserve this” and I just buy. Like, I do deserve nice things, I think everyone does. But I also deserve to have savings and to spend rationally. I just don’t know how to get there.
How to stop buying things for “self care” or because I think I deserve it?
byu/oxymoronic01 inpersonalfinance
Posted by oxymoronic01
22 Comments
Therapists or cold turkey. You know exactly what to do.
Budgeting: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/budgeting
Consider that you deserve to have a healthy emergency fund so that you don’t suffer needlessly during a moment of crisis.
And likewise you deserve to have a healthy investment portfolio because your future self deserves additional financial security and peace of mind.
I started to really focus on investing my money rather than buying things I can live just fine without and viewing it as splurging on myself because, in a way, you are!
You may need to introduce more friction into your spending. Try putting your fun spending money in a separate savings account and transfer the funds when you want to spend them.
You need to set and stick to a budget. The financial solution is straightforward, but the struggle is behavioral.
Convince yourself that nobody deserves anything, because it’s true!
There’s a big difference between self-care and self-soothing.
someone told me this and if you actually follow it, it works very well
“don’t just ask yourself if you would use it, ask yourself if you can live without it.”
Make a budget for self care and stick to it. Guilt free spending with the money available. No money available, no spending.
Buying something you didn’t really need is the problem “I deserve nice things” is pure justification, it’s not a reason to buy something at all. A reason is “I have wanted this specific thing for X amount of time, I will get a ton of use out of it and will love it. I have saved the money for it and can afford it”. If you can’t say that, you can’t buy it.
oh, and after developing a spending addiction (use extreme caution with antidepressants folks) I can tell you for sure that nothing made me feel as well as I used to feel when I had my savings.
Pay yourself first – Setup automatic withdrawals and contributions to retirement accounts that hit on pay day.
For the rest get on a budget, live on less than you make. Include categories bigger purchases and entertainment etc. Spending is ok as long as it’s in budget. Give yourself permission to spend just keep it in check. Save for those big items you can delay on. Set goals for yourself as well as you go, IE I want to be a homeowner, I want to retire early etc.
Mentally you have to buy into the system you setup. An external person like a trusted friend, spouse or sibling who is better with money (or a therapist) could help to keep you accountable. Fix the underlying problem causing you to need that dopamine hit that retail therapy provides with something else. Exercise is a common one people recommend, and most of us (as a nation) could lose a few pounds too.
Personally I have found living on less than you make and having savings solves the problems many people have when it comes to money. It gives you flexibility and turns the stress of how to afford a situation way down.
Budget and pay yourself first. In other words, automatically set money aside that gets deposited into your emergency fund and retirement accounts. Keep the these accounts separate from your spending account so you’re less likely to transfer money to cover that spontaneous expense. From what I hear it takes a lot to overcome that cycle so if start doing good, then fall back into old habits, it’s fine. Correct yourself and keep moving forward.
This might sound stupidly simple but I just make a list of things that I want. I revisit the list later to see if I still want the items on it.
But I’m also very picky about things, so my obsession with researching everything and making sure I am getting the best deal and the exact item that’s best suited for me stops most impulse buys. So… become more picky? Lol
A properly made and followed budget solves all impulse buys. Want that thing because you deserve it? If it fits the “fun” budget, go for it, if it doesn’t, then you don’t deserve it.
Any larger purchase, give yourself like 2-3 weeks to sit on it and if it’s still something you want then, then you’ll be 2-3 weeks richer and know you really want it. Usually I find myself really wanting something and after a few weeks, I find myself sorta forgetting about it and interested in something else
I made a list of what i need, want and enjoy. The issues with this list is the needs and wants are expensive, the enjoys are not so much.
Every time I pick up something, i don’t need nor really want, then put it back down, or when I decide against grabbing a burger because i’m being lazy. I write down how much i prevent myself from spending. In a month, one of my more expensive needs and wants got full filled. Something i kept putting off because it was too expensive, when in reality i kept spending it on useless stuff
Budget for it! It doesn’t need to be all or nothing. There’s no reason to punish yourself for wanting something now and then that you don’t ‘need’, but since you’re worried about it spiraling, it would be helpful to put some guardrails on that spending, either monthly or yearly.
If you have some kind of savings goal beyond your emergency fund, it can help counteract the impulse spending. This can be a trip, renovation, car purchase, retirement dream, etc.
If it’s something that’s just not feasible to have right now because you don’t have the money for it, it will force you to into delayed gratification anyway.
>Like, I do deserve nice things, I think everyone does
This kind of thinking is a bit too permissive. It seems to give you permission to indulge in any impulse as long as you label it as a “nice thing”
And honestly, maybe not everybody deserves nice things. Or maybe we need to redefine what a “nice thing” is. It can’t be just whatever you happen to want in that particular moment
You deserve to have savings and financial security too. By choosing to buy something, you’re choosing not to have financial security. Which would you rather have?
Budgeting helped a lot for me because I built fun categories into my budget (like clothes, trips, hobbies), so I know how much I can spend on those things while still meeting my savings goals.
It also helped me stop feeling guilty about the occasional splurge because I know I have already set aside that money.