A poem dedicated to our “wonderful” tax clients of the 2025 filing season

I wrote this poem based on some of my encounters this season along with some stories of my colleagues and others. Each stanza is it's own story I don't really have a good title, so please feel free to make some suggestions.

Those clients I love to fire

O Taxpayer, the ides of April are near,

The deadline is breathing down your neck in fear.

Don't let it be doom, though your world is on fire,

Your 86-year-old 'CPA' has decided to retire.

He vanished to Florida without an email or trace,

Leaving you to find a new place.

You scour through Google, through Yelp, and through Thumbtack,

Praying for someone to take up the slack.

"Budgeting $130!" you boldly say, (Memories of 65 bucks still hang in the air).

You demand a two hour meeting, at your house.

"Something never seen! 1099-INT!!!!!!!!"

The 'CPA' speaks clearly, your heart starts to sink,

"Two hundred dollars?" You’re pushed to the brink!

"But my return is so simple! My old guy was fair! I want you at my house!"

"I’ll never use Turbo! I’m a need a pro! 1099-INT is a scare"

Hanging up the phone to take business elsewhere.

–

Walking to the storefront with the shiny green square. Shoebox of receipts prepared.

"Two hundred an hour to count up the 'pile'"

The lady in green says with no smile.

Running to Thumbtack, for solution

"How much to count receipts, asking for a friend"

Alas heartbreak and pain again; I count them lonely myself.

To this day, the shoebox is full of receipts.

–

April thirteen is here, new 'loopholes' found! An LLC is clear, you saw on IG.

" wrote off my Costco! My trips to the white sandy shore!"

The Guru on TikTok said 'Pay Taxes No More!'

The Guru forms three LLCs for you.

But the Tax Man just sighs, with dead dark eyes

"Did you pay the $800 for each LLC?" he pries.

"There is no such fee!" you counter smugly,

Until he pulls out the FTB page.

Well fine, spend a little to save more.

"The LLC makes it deductible!" you shout,

"My Paris vacation! My lunch! My night out!"

The Tax Man stares blankly, his patience expired.

He tells you: "You’re fired."

Ten thousand crypto trades loaded with fright,

A thousand-page PDF haunting the night.

Turbotax bill, $10,000, a big number

Running to ChatGPT to what's wrong

Basis and capital gains, are your pain

"Some say that basis is a curse, something to flee"

Though time to find a good EA

"Use a Cointracker! It'll save thousands!" the EA pleas!

"No! The fees are too high!" you complain.

You pay the bill and walk away.

Never again to see an EA!

Basis is never worth the trouble.

–

You report a massive loss on your Schedule C,

Then demand that get the treasured CTC and EIC**.**

"No refund," he says, "if your income is zero."

"Omit! Omit! Omit!" is your cry,

The tax man calls it fraud, you say it's extra pay,

Now that tax man no longer of aid.

–

2/16 the deadline is close.

But you and ChatGPT are ready to file and fight.

Specific instructions for a Schedule C, A single book sale and a Schedule E.

Report the Roth payout! Don’t forget the 8606!"

You’re certain you know it all. A client no preparer is worthy of.

The preparer quotes $450, what a joke.

You shout your precise instructions for each line.

"Don't miss my $25 royalty!"

I bet she's never seen a return like this!

Four days of waiting way to long.

Calling every day for just an hour long.

PDF read for review, and fire in your lungs is abrew.

"No 8606! A PTC Refund of $7!!!" This is all wrong!

Supersede! Supersede! Is your song!

You threaten the 'forbidden'

To report his EFIN to ProConnect, the ultimate threat!

The Second of March, you are demanding more.

Now an amendment to fix your return.

The preparer completes but the return is still wrong.

You shout at the wall, call a new preparer and say,

"I need your help with some fraud"

The Tax Man asks for your return, how weird.

AI says it's fine, but remember to file on time.

You call the Tax Man each day, to tell you what the AI proclaimed.

He tells you you'll have to Amend again, but in no way is he your friend.

"My AI says a superseding return cures it all!"

He gives up and tells you to call the IRS, the IRS affirms he is correct.

One mistake is just science, you nod with your head.

The Tax man is silent, spirit dead, filing your return.

Two months from the deadline, the filing is done,

A battle of madness you’re sure that you won.

"I’ll see you next year for my taxes again."

He says, "You're fired" A loss for him!

I hope you enjoyed my poem.